No Turning Back
by Kettleshipping
Summary: Regulus visits Hogsmeade to think and stumbles across a rather drunk James Potter. Confessions are made that change everything. Love, angst, and rescues ensue. Where can we go when going back isn't an option? JamesRegulus. AU.
1. A Chance Encounter

**A/N:** Written for the enjoyment of all my fellow True Colors Shippers. Yay!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own James, Regulus, Sirius, or anyone else who is lucky enough to get mentioned.

**Authoresses:** Anika and Reggie

**Title:** No Turning Back

* * *

Hogsmeade looked disgustingly similar to a scene on a Muggle Christmas card. The houses and shops were all frosted with a layer of snow in all the right picturesque places and the yellow light danced out of the windows into the quickly darkening and nearly deserted street.

Regulus scowled, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his cloak. He hadn't intended to be out so long when he'd left Hogwarts earlier that day. He had just needed to get away from the Slytherin Common room and spend some time thinking- an impossibility down in the room under the lake.

The pressure to take the Dark Mark was swiftly becoming unbearable. He was the last of the _true_ Blacks to take it- Bellatrix kept reminding him through letters that not taking it would swiftly invalidate his claim to be true- and those Slytherins his own age could talk of nothing else. As he would come of age soonest in just a few short weeks, he knew they were looking to him for an example.

He shivered as a gust of wind blew the fine powder into his exposed face. He realized now that it would have been wise to bring his snow gear, but he hadn't thought before that making this decision would be so difficult! He thought briefly of retuning to the castle, but wasn't sure he wanted to risk it. He'd barely managed to get through the witch's hump, a passage way he had learned from following Sirius his first year, before the caretaker had come down the hall.

The thought of Sirius made Regulus scowl again. He wished he could talk to his brother about this. Though passionate, Sirius usually was very clear sighted when it came to important decisions. He had never understood, however, and probably never would understand the importance of being a true Black.

The sixteen-year-old Slytherin was jerked from his thoughts quite suddenly by a kind of commotion in the Three Broomsticks. Pausing in his progress through Hogsmeade, Regulus turned his blue eyes to the door.

"I believe you've had enough!" He could hear Madame Rosmerta yelling to someone who was teetering on the doorway.

"I'll tell you when I've had enough," a rather slurred voice responded. Regulus continued to stare. He felt, somehow, that he ought to know that voice…

Someone on the inside of the Three Broomsticks gave the figure a shove, and James Potter landed hard on his back in the snow. Regulus watched as James sat up with a groan, rubbing his head. Madame Rosmerta's curvaceous form could be made out from the light of the bar behind her.

"And don't let me ever catch you sneaking Firewhisky again, James Potter!" She yelled, throwing what looked like James's school cloak at his feet.

"I believe I had a hat," James said stupidly. Madame Rosmerta simply slammed the door.

Regulus watched silently as James stumbled to his feet, picking up his cloak and wrapping it over his shoulders. He turned and saw Regulus standing half in shadows. His hazel eyes blinked blurrily.

"Hullo! Who's there?"

Seeing no other way out of the situation, Regulus took a step toward the Gryffindor. "Out a little late, aren't you, Potter?"

James blinked again, a stupid grin crossing his face. "Reggie? Little Reggie? What are you doing out here all alone so late at night?" The smile on James's face had somehow changed, and Regulus was now nervous. He took an unconscious step away from the other boy.

"I could ask you the same thing," Regulus said, his left hand drifting toward his wand. He didn't trust James, and hadn't for a long time. When they were younger, before Hogwarts, James sometimes came over. The Potters were a respected family, even if they didn't hold to pure blood supremacy. They were still pure, and therefore James had been good social company for the young Black brothers.

Back then; Regulus had idolized James almost more than Sirius. He'd thought him quite handsome, and didn't mind a bit when James would steal his brother's attention. James had been the only one of Sirius's friends that had included him. Regulus had thought he'd loved him before he learned that you simply couldn't love another boy.

James stepped closer now, that same unnerving smile on his face. "You're gorgeous when you're nervous. Did you know that?"

Regulus could feel his eyes widening in spite of himself. Surely he hadn't just said that. Everyone knew that Potter was chasing after Lily Evans and had been for years.

James stepped foreword again so his face was just inches from Regulus's. The Slytherin could smell the alcohol on James's breath. "Of course, you're always sexy. You're bloody gorgeous and don't even realize it. That's what I love about you."

Regulus froze. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Schooling his face into an indifferent expression, he said simply, "you're drunk, Potter."

"'M not," James responded, slinging an arm around the slightly shorter boy's neck. "I'm in love with you. Have been for years, but knew you never would look at me that way. Chased Evans for that reason."

"And I'm supposed to believe you're telling me this now," Regulus sneered. He expected Sirius to come out of the shadows to laugh at him and call him names. This didn't happen, however. Instead, James let go of Regulus's neck and began throwing up in the snow.

The Slytherin rolled his eyes. Really, he should just leave the obviously drunk Gryffindor out there to freeze to death, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The kindness James had once shown him and the childhood crush weren't quite forgotten. Instead of walking away as he should have, Regulus knelt in the snow beside the other boy.

"Feel better?"

"Not really."

Reaching into his pocket, Regulus withdrew a peppermint humbug. "Suck on that. It should help. Get the taste out of your mouth at least."

James did as he was told, even allowing Regulus to stick the sweet in his mouth. He closed his eyes, his throat moving as he slowly sucked, and after a moment he opened his eyes again. His hazel eyes looked abnormally bright when contrasted against his pale face.

"Can you stand?" Regulus asked after a moment. James tried to push himself to his feet, but no sooner was he up then he groaned and had to lean against the nearest building. With a resigned sigh, Regulus walked over and slid his arm around James's waist while maneuvering James's arm to wrap around his neck. "I'll take that as a no. You really got wasted, didn't you?"

"Jus' a bit." James said wearily, closing his eyes and leaning into Regulus more.

"Can I ask why?"

"You just did."

"Glad to see alcohol doesn't affect you're sharp wit."

James sighed again, and he suddenly seemed slightly less drunk. He simply sounded tired as he spoke. "I kissed Lily Evans today."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"I thought it would be."

Regulus said nothing for a bit. He couldn't help but wonder why James was talking to him at all. He and Sirius spent a good deal of time at school pretending they didn't know him. He decided to blame the alcohol. He could not, however, think of a reason why he was helping James as he half-helped half-dragged him toward Honeydukes.

"Thanks." James said suddenly, leaning his face close to Regulus. Regulus pulled away on instinct.

"For what?"

"Most Slytherins would have left me there to freeze."

"Well, that just shows how much you Gryffindors stereotype us, doesn't it?" Regulus shifted James's weight slightly, suddenly uncomfortable.

James said nothing to that for a moment- he seemed to be concentrating on moving his feet. He didn't say anything at all until Regulus snuck him into the secret passage. Only then did he stop and look at Regulus. "You should have been in Gryffindor, you know. You don't belong down there."

"Of course I do. I'm a Black."

"So's Sirius."

"Not anymore."

Another awkward silence in which they shuffled down the passage, and Regulus thought that was the end of the conversation.

"You're not Sirius, you know. You don't have to make up for his mistakes."

Regulus froze, turning his head to look at James. He could see the sincerity in James's somewhat unfocused eyes and he scowled. "You don't know me, Potter, so don't even try to tell me about myself."

"I would know you if you'd give me a chance. I've loved you as long as I can remember, and I want to know you. I did once."

Regulus said nothing, instead opting to look away from the Gryffindor. How was he supposed to react to that? James didn't know what he was saying. He wouldn't remember it tomorrow, and it wouldn't matter. It certainly didn't matter to him. James seemed to take this as some form of answer, and said nothing until the stood at the bottom of the steps up into the castle again.

"You're going to have to climb them alone," Regulus said, looking at his feet. He couldn't be seen helping a Gryffindor once they were inside. There was too much at stake in his life for that.

"Regulus?"

It was the first time James had said his name, and it startled Regulus into looking up. He found James's mouth suddenly over his own, and gasped slightly. Was he **_kissing_** him?

It was as if someone else was controlling his body, and he found himself starting to kiss the older boy back. His eyes slid closed as one hand reached up and tangled itself in James's hair. James tasted like peppermint and butter beer.

They stood like that for several seconds before James pulled away. They could only stare awkwardly at each other before James offered a lopsided smile. "I love you. Know that much." Without another word, he climbed unsteadily up the ladder and vanished out of sight.

It was another half hour before Regulus managed to regain enough composure to climb the ladder. None of his problems had been solved that night. If anything, they had become more complicated.

He didn't know how he felt about James. He didn't know, he realized as he wandered the nearly deserted halls, what James really thought about him. Probably James would be completely unable to remember the incident when he got up the next morning. In fact, Regulus was willing to bet that even if he did figure out what he felt about James and what he was going to do about it that it wouldn't matter. James was with Evans. James was a Gryffindor. James was everything he was supposed to hate.

Everything he had hated up until then, and one of those he would have to kill should he decide to take the mark.

Still, he thought as gave the password to get into the Slytherin common room, James was not a bad kisser. In fact, he very much wanted to kiss him again.


	2. Hope

A/N: This was written by my boyfriend, Anika Malfoy (okay, really my best friend, but we like to pretend) in response to mine. Which resulted in a response…which resulted in a response….

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'_Shit!'_ James thought, as he slowly woke. He had a massive hangover and last night was a distinct blur.

Slowly, James pulled scraps of memory from his foggy brain. He remembered talking to Evans, remembered thinking about how Sirius had been starting to question why he hadn't asked her out in so long. He remembered his sudden loneliness inspiring him to lean in and kiss her. He remembered thinking that a certain dark-haired Slytherin would taste better.

James closed his eyes, he had run then. Run all the way to the Three Broomsticks and tried to drink away his feelings. Tried to drink away the memory of how wrong it felt to have Lily's full lips kissing his, or her curvy body pressed against him. He tried to drink away the fantasy of a harder body, and seductive blue eyes. It hadn't worked.

James had been thrown out by Rosmerta, and remembered meeting Regulus. He remembered how looking into those eyes, the eyes he had dreamed of for years, had pushed him over the edge. He had confessed everything and had even kissed those succulent lips.

"Shit!" James groaned, burying his face in the pillow. He was dead now. If Regulus and the Slytherin's didn't kill him, then Sirius would. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Bloody blasted SHIT!"

"Bad night there, mate?" came an amused voice from outside his curtains.

James groaned again, the last thing he needed was Sirius to start in on the questioning. "Go away, Sirius. I'm not in the mood."

The bed curtains where violently ripped open, allowing ungodly amounts of light to shine down on the unprotected Gryffindor. "Shit!" James yelled as the light increased his hangover-induced headache by ten fold. The bespectacled boy silently vowed never to drink again.

"That seems to be the word of the morning. Care to explain why?" Sirius laughed, sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Given the situation, I think that it is a very appropriate word," James glared at his friend. As much as he loved Sirius, he really wanted to kill him right now.

"Hangover?" Sirius chuckled, grabbing his wand and muttering a handy little anti-hangover charm that Remus had invented just after last New Year. The charm had been greatly appreciated considering Sirius had snuck firewhiskey into the common room and most of the Gryffindor sixth and seventh years had helped to consume unfathomable amounts of alcohol.

"Thanks," James sighed. That was one problem out of the way, now he only had about a million worse ones. At least it was easier to think without his head pounding painfully.

"So, I hear you finally snogged Evans. Out celebrating, were you?" Sirius stood, walking across the room to his trunk and pulling out some clean clothes.

James looked around, wondering where Peter and Remus were. He didn't really care, but it was a nice way to avoid looking at Sirius. He could never lie to Sirius. The boys had been friends for years, and Sirius could almost always see through his lies. Except that the boy hadn't seen through his supposed love of Lily. He hadn't seen through James's mask of not caring about Regulus…of not hurting every time they pushed the Slytherin farther away.

"I was in mourning," James confessed. He couldn't lie now. Lying now would mean that he would be harassed into dating Lily, and that wasn't fair to the girl. "I don't love her, Siri."

Sirius looked over at his friend, eyes wide with shock. "Since when? I thought she was your soul-mate."

James sighed, "Since forever. I never liked her. She's pretty and all, she's just…not my type."

"What do you mean?" Sirius was once again sitting at the foot of James's bed.

"I mean…I love someone else. Someone who would never return my feelings," James looked up and met his friend's blue eyes. Blue eyes that were so similar to Regulus's and yet so different. Blue eyes that would be looking at him with hatred if the boy behind them knew that James was in love with Sirius's brother.

"Who?" Sirius whispered the one question that James was too scared to answer.

"I can't tell you. It doesn't matter anyway. He doesn't, couldn't, feel the same," James looked away, not being able to stand those eyes any longer. He couldn't stand the memories they brought him of Regulus's eyes looking at him with mistrust, dislike, suspicion. Couldn't stand that he knew there was one memory there of them that hadn't surfaced yet…the memory of how the eyes had to have looked at him with disgust after James confessed his love and kissed him.

"He?" Sirius asked timidly.

"He," James nodded. No use in denying it. At least this way Sirius wouldn't be pushing him to date some girl again.

"Someone I know?"

"It's not you or Remus or Pete, so you can stop sounding so worried," James still couldn't meet those eyes.

"It's Regulus, isn't it?"

James looked up quickly, only to find that Sirius was now staring at the bedspread. Maybe Sirius could see through more of his mask than he had thought. "What would make you say that?" Denial was good.

"I've seen the way you watch him. You've never looked at Lily like that," Sirius looked up at James, forcing his friend to hold his gaze. "How long?"

"Forever. Practically since I first saw him," James whispered. If Sirius had known, then why did he seem so shocked when James said that he loved someone other than Lily? Why had he pushed James to date Lily?

"I've tried for years to convince myself that I was wrong, that you hated him. Almost worked," Sirius shook his head, "I don't know that I like this."

"Doesn't change what I feel," James said, defiantly. He wouldn't hide his feelings for Sirius's sake any longer; that was what got him to this point. "Doesn't matter anyway, he doesn't feel the same. It's hopeless."

James stood and pulled out clean clothes, avoiding looking at Sirius. He didn't want to deal with this now. He didn't want to have this talk while his mind was still having flashbacks of the moment that James leaned in and his lips touched Regulus's. Of Regulus gasping and freezing in shock. He didn't remember the boy pulling away, but that was the one consideration his mind gave him. He didn't think he could handle the knowledge that Regulus hated him now more than ever before.

"Can we talk about this later? Let's just go to breakfast," James begged, finally meeting Sirius's eyes.

Sirius nodded, and silently stood up. James wondered, briefly, what his friend was thinking. Sirius was never silent about his opinion, why was he silent now?

It didn't matter. He didn't want to think now, and Sirius's silence was a mercy.

When they reached the Great Hall, James had to use every ounce of courage he had to walk through those doors. When he did, he stared at the ground, afraid to look up. He knew that the second his eyes left the ground, they would roam to the Slytherin table, and he didn't think he could stand the disgust that he knew would be in Regulus's eyes.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked as Sirius and James sat down.

Neither boy answered, but James finally looked up. He glanced at Sirius, then Remus, then, slowly, let his eyes travel across the hall. He couldn't run away, couldn't hide. He was a Gryffindor, and he had to face his fears. Maybe, when he acknowledged his rejection, Regulus would leave his thoughts. Maybe he could finally move on.

Brown eyes met blue and the world faded. There was no disgust in that gaze. There was no hatred. There was confusion, and doubt, and a world of other emotions that flickered so fast that James had no time to identify them. But behind it all, there was an emotion that James recognized all too well; it had been in his own eyes every time he had seen Regulus for years.

'Maybe,' James thought, 'it's not so hopeless after all.' Maybe he did stand a chance of having the one thing he had always wanted. Maybe Regulus loved him back.


	3. Venting

**A/N:** I can't believe this! I try and write a one shot and my boyfriend goes "nooo…I want a James chapter". I told him to write it himself and he did! So, now I'm writing a Sirius chapter because when I said I wanted to know what Sirius was thinking I got the same response. Damn!

Now, just to piss him off, I'm going to write a bit of Sirius and Remus interaction that isn't Sirius/Remus AND I will use my picture of Remus instead of his. NAHAHAHAHAHA!

And Remmie…I know I promised you could write this, but I discovered I really can't write Sirius on my own. Gomenasai.

* * *

"Damn him!" Sirius burst into the room with a bang as the door bounced off the wall. Remus, who had been curled up on his bed reading, jumped. Shutting the book he stood up.

"What's wrong?" The brown haired boy asked, his brown eyes filled with concern.

Sirius only paused a moment to look at him before he started pacing, his hand running through his hair in an agitated manner. "James is being a complete git!"

"Which is different from normal…how?" Remus asked with a smile, reaching up to brush as wisp of brown hair out of eyes. Sirius scowled.

"Yeah, but this time it's different. He's in _love_, Remus!"

Remus blinked a couple of times. "Uh…Padfoot. We knew that already. Prongs has been in love for…well forever."

"Yeah he has," Sirius said darkly, "but not with who we think."

The seventeen-year-old werewolf raised a graceful eyebrow as the wisp of hair feel back into its original position. "Explain."

Sirius sighed, turning to look at Remus fully for the first time. "What would do if I told you that James was gay?"

"Laugh and call you crazy…up until you asked me that." Remus sat down on the end of his bed, pulling his knees up so he was resting his chin against them. "Padfoot, what happened?"

"He just…I mean…he kissed Evans last night."

"Which makes him gay?"

"Yes. No! I mean…"

"Padfoot, you're not making any sense."

"I know that," Sirius snapped, and Remus glared at him. "Sorry, Remus, I just…he didn't _like_ it. I was so sure he would and…"

"Wait a minute. **_You_** were so sure he would like it? Wasn't James?"

"Well, I don't know. I just…I knew who he liked. I didn't want to believe it though, so I thought if I got him with Evans he'd just forget about it. I mean, what's not to like about Evans? He was so into it that I thought it had worked. Made myself believe it worked."

Remus shook his head, resisting the urge to simply let his mouth hang open. "Sirius, don't tell me you're homophobic."

"I'm not," Sirius said simply, sticking his hands in his pockets, "and if it were anyone else I'd be fine with it. Well…not anyone. Not if it were Severus but…Merlin Remus it's Regulus. I mean, what the hell!"

Remus blinked his chestnut eyes several times trying to process this new information. "Regulus? As in your brother Regulus?"

"Do you know any other Regulus's? Not exactly a common name is it?"

Remus bit back a smart retort, and instead lapsed into a somewhat brooding silence. He honestly had no opinion on Regulus. He knew that Sirius hated him- knew why as well since it had been shouted in a conversation similar to this one- but he'd only met the boy a couple of times. His being in Slytherin kept them fairly well separated.

Sirius sank onto the bed next to his friend, burying his head in his hands. "I don't get it. I want James to be happy, I really do, but…he knows Regulus almost as well as I do. How can you love **_that_**?"

Again, Remus had to stop himself from uttering his first response and reminding Sirius that the person they were talking about was in fact his brother. Instead, he lowered his knees so his feet were touching the floor. "I don't know, Padfoot. Why don't you ask him?"

"I did. You know the answer I got? 'I know him, but I knew him before too. I know what he's really like, and so do you if you chose to remember.' Of course I remember! Regulus always used to follow me around, and he's whine to Mother when I wouldn't let him play with us…"

"Which is typical little brother behavior," Remus responded before he could stop himself. Sirius shot him a dark look as he got to his feet.

"It's not like there is anything to love about Regulus. I mean…okay he wasn't a bad kid once upon a time. Whiney, but he always cried harder than I did when I got in trouble. Little git. He was always a bit of a wimp. Now he's…well you've seen what he does to me!"

If Remus were to be completely honest, the answer to the not-a-question would be no he hadn't seen what Regulus had done. The worst he'd ever seen Regulus do was laugh when Sirius had ended up sliding along the Gryffindor table at dinner one day. Remus had laughed too, so he didn't see at as really a bad thing. In fact, Regulus spent most of the time avoiding Sirius and the rest of them.

Padfoot, however, it appeared wasn't in the mood for the truth. Instead, Remus muttered vaguely, "yeah…real terrible…"

Sirius didn't seem to hear him as he resumed his pacing. "I mean, yeah okay so I left him behind. He wouldn't have come with me though. Right? Of course not. He'd abandoned me emotionally years ago! He left me first!"

"Padfoot…"

"And James knows that! He knows first hand what a hell my life was! He knows how much my **_darling_** baby brother had a hand in that! Still he loves him. Still he pines after him, knowing that there's now way in hell Regulus could love him back. Regulus isn't capable of loving someone!"

Sighing, Remus put his head in his hands and gently massaged his temples. He knew from personal experience that there was absolutely no reasoning with Sirius when he was in this kind of mood. Still, he had to at least give it a shot for James's sake. "Maybe he can see something in Regulus that you can't because he's further from the situation then you are?"

"James is like my brother! He's not any farther than I am."

"Like your brother, Padfoot, where Regulus actually is. There's a difference."

"There shouldn't be!" Sirius stood looking at Remus for several minutes, panting heavily. Remus looked back at him evenly for several moments, and then patted the bed beside him. Grudgingly, Sirius walked over and sat down.

"I know you feel like James has betrayed you," he started, and held up a hand to stop the protest he knew was coming, "and I know you feel like James is choosing Regulus over you. But Padfoot, trust me, if James could chose another way I'm sure he would. It would be much easier if he were straight, wouldn't it? I mean, Evans likes him now. He could have everything if he could choose another way, but he can't. Besides that, no matter what you believe everything is not a competition between you and Regulus. Just because you feel your parents couldn't love you **_and_** Regulus doesn't mean that someone can't."

An awkward silence settled between them, broken only by the muffled thump of Sirius's heel against the underside of his bed. Finally, Sirius stopped looking at the ground and turned his head almost fully away.

"I just don't want to see Prongs hurt by the little bastard."

Remus smiled sadly. "Neither do I, but you never know. Maybe things will work out for the better."

Sirius laughed bitterly, "trust me, Moony. Whenever Regulus is concerned, things never work out for the better."

"You can't say that," Remus said simply. "You can't say that until it's all over. You don't really know how it's all going to play out. This have changed, certainly, but you can't know whether it's for the better or for the worse. You're not god, Sirius."

The black haired teen turned and grinned at Remus now, his grey eyes sparkling as he jumped onto Remus's bed. "Yes, I am! I am Sirius, God of Sex!"

"Padfoot! How many times have I told you not to get on the furniture with your shoes on! Bad dog!"


	4. Sorry

A/N: I think this is turning into a competition. Write a chapter to make your counterpart need to write the next. shakes head Tis fun!

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"Hi," came a shy voice behind James.

James suddenly felt the urge to run again. He didn't know what to say to Lily after last night. Turning, James put on a sad smile, "Hey, Lils."

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, her eyes worried.

'_Great…now I'm going to upset her,'_ James sighed. He hated upsetting the girl. He had pretended to love her for years, and he had actually grown quite fond of the girl, just not in a romantic way. "Lils, about last night…"

"I know," Lily sighed. "You running off right after you kissed me kinda hinted at you not being pleased with the kiss."

"It's not that!" James looked into Lily's green eyes and once again wished that things were simple. Why couldn't he just love the beautiful girl in front of him? "I just…I'm in love with someone else."

"What?" Lily whispered, tears coming to her eyes.

James cringed. He didn't want to hurt Lily. He had never wanted that. Lily was beautiful, funny, feisty, everything he should want in a lover. But she wasn't what he wanted, she wasn't _who_ he wanted.

"It's just…" James looked away. "I'm in love with this guy. I have been for a long time. I just didn't want to admit it. But after last night…I can't, I won't use you like that."

"So you just used me for the past six years? You just made me think you loved me long enough for me to fall in love with you! And now you get a conscience?" Lily smacked James across the cheek.

James looked at Lily, pleading for understanding. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I honestly chose you because I didn't think you would ever feel anything for me! You never did before!"

"Who is he? I have a right to know that much," Lily's eyes were cold.

"Regulus Black," James whispered. "But please don't tell anyone. I don't even know if anything can happen between us. I mean…I told him how I felt…but I was drunk."

"When?" Lily's voice was harsher now, and James realized just how much that last comment would hurt the girl.

"Last night," James sighed, "I'm so sorry Lils."

Lily sniffed, obviously holding back her tears. "Right. You're sorry. That just makes everything better then, doesn't it? You told some guy you loved him right after kissing me!"

"Lils…" he really didn't know what to say. He knew that anything he said would hurt the girl, but he had to make her understand. Maybe, if she could understand, she could forgive him someday. "I didn't mean to tell him. I was drunk. I just…I saw him and it came out. I don't know that I would have ever told him otherwise."

"Why did you do this to me?" Lily whispered.

"I didn't mean it…I never wanted to hurt you. I really care about you, Lils. I just don't…love you," James closed his eyes. He wasn't sure what to do anymore.

Lily gave a sad smile. "I know. We can't choose who we love."

James opened his eyes and met Lily's, "And the ones we love don't always love us back."

"No, they don't," Lily sighed, "Good luck, James. I really hope things work out for you."

"Thanks Lils," James leaned in and hugged her.

He hated that he had made this girl hurt. He hated that she was probably going upstairs now to cry. He hated that all he wanted was to find Regulus and kiss him again, beg him to return his love. Why couldn't things be simple?

"Lily?" James called, watching the girl pause on the stairs. "I would have been lucky to have you. I may be in love with Regulus, but I'm not blind. You are the most amazing woman I have ever known."

"James…don't. Just don't." And Lily walked up the stairs, leaving James standing alone.

"She doesn't want to hear that you wish you loved her," Sirius's voice came from the portrait hole.

James sighed. Why did everyone suddenly talk to him like he had committed some crime? He couldn't help loving Regulus.

"I know. I just…"

"You were trying to make yourself feel better. Trying to lessen your guilt. Being selfish," Sirius glared, walking past James and up the stairs.

James sat on the couch. Sirius was harsh, but he was right. His last comment to Lily had been selfish. He just…didn't know what to do anymore. He felt like he was losing everything because he was in love. Love wasn't supposed to hurt this much!

"I'm sorry," James whispered to his hands, wishing that the words would mean something to somebody.


	5. Advice

**A/N:** I don't know what has possessed me to do this, I really don't. It just has, and now that it has I shan't be able to stop myself.

* * *

Severus Snape had been quite enjoying the lack of activity in the Slytherin common room that afternoon thank you very much. A heavy snowfall had coated the grounds with a new layer of fine powder which- he was told- was perfect for making snowballs. Only diligent O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students were remaining in doors to study just before the holidays.

It was no wonder, then, that he was quite surprised when on Regulus Black sat beside him at the table, with neither book nor quill to be seen. He was not covered in snow, either, meaning he had not been outside. In fact, he looked pale enough for Severus to wonder if he wasn't ill.

Regulus turned to look at him a minute after sitting down, his blue eyes almost too bright in his face. "Hello, Severus."

Regulus was the only one to call Severus by his first name. He kept insisting it sounded more distinguished than Snape- and besides he didn't want his dirty muggle father's name anyway.

In fact, where Snape was concerned Regulus insisted on a lot of things. For example, remaining in his life. From the beginning, Severus had tried to force Regulus away like he did everyone else. He didn't want or need to be friends with a Black child. Regulus, however, was stubborn. The harder Snape tried to push him away, the more the boy had fought his way back.

'Tenacious bastard,' Severus thought with some fondness. He'd long ago given up trying to ditch the young boy, and now was even quite enjoyed having him around. Not, of course, that he would ever admit it aloud. He was certainly the only one currently attending Hogwarts Severus would stop his studying for. Setting down his book, he turned to look at the obviously anxious boy. "What's on your mind, Black?"

Regulus scooted the chair forward slightly so he could lean his elbow on the table and look at Severus at the same time. "I need to…I need to ask you a few questions."

Snape raised an eyebrow, shifting his chair so he was now facing the younger Slytherin. "What kinds of questions?'

"I need advice."

"Isn't that what you have cousins for?"

"Yes, but this is different." Regulus looked distinctly uncomfortable now, and Severus felt somewhat guilty for putting him in that position. Somewhat. "It's just that…well…you're the only one I can think to ask. Bellatrix wouldn't understand, and Narcissa is on her honeymoon. I don't want to trouble her. _He_ might understand, but he isn't exactly willing to give me any kind of advice."

There was no need for Regulus to say how he was. His name was never spoken when they were together. They both understood that it meant the-Black-who-was-Black-no-more.

Severus made an indistinct noise, which Regulus took as a sign to continue.

"I think…I think I fancy someone. I'm not exactly sure."

Another rise of the eyebrow. How did Regulus figure he was the one to talk to about this? In a way, Severus supposed, he had come to replace what Regulus had lost when _he_ had left. For some reason, this pleased him. "Explain."

"Well…I mean it's just someone. Someone I've known for a long time. I thought I hated him. I should hate him. But I can't."

'Of course,' Severus thought darkly, 'Potter.' It was no secret to the seventh year that the boy he was beginning to think of- if only to himself- as a younger brother had a crush on his arch nemesis. It wasn't that Regulus was obvious about it. He was so good at hiding it in fact that, as Severus had guessed, Regulus himself had been unaware of it.

No, it was simply that Severus knew what to look for. He had seen the stolen glances across the Great Hall. He'd seen him during Quidditch Matches, whether in the stands or on his broomstick, follow the Gryffindor Captain with curious eyes. Noticed how he perked up almost imperceptibly whenever Potter was mentioned or his voice was heard.

Severus had hoped that Regulus would grow out of it, but that appeared a vain hope now. Something had obviously happened to make Regulus aware of this crush, and when questioned the younger Slytherin squirmed again.

"I snuck out of the castle last night. Well…early yesterday afternoon, actually."

"Yes, I noticed you were absent yesterday. Knott was looking for you."

"I just had to think, you know? While I was out, though, I ran across…across this person. They were rather drunk- at least I **_think_** they were drunk because sometimes it seemed they were and sometimes it didn't. They told me…told me they loved me. And they, well they kissed me."

His immediate reaction was to stomp on this idea now. If Potter had confessed his feelings then he cared for Regulus, and having Regulus hate him would crush him. Anything to crush Potter was worth it.

Anything except the sparkle of happiness in Regulus's eyes as he talked about it. It had been at least three years since Severus had seen that light there. He looked again the little boy whose company he secretly enjoyed. The little boy that had been forced to grow up far to quickly the night his brother ran away.

Nothing, not even the chance to utterly destroy James Potter was worth having that disappear again. Cursing his heart and the fact he had it, Severus gave the softest of sighs. "It sounds as if…this person…is fond of you."

"They were drunk though. How can you be sure?"

"Drunkenness…it does not make you do things you would not normally think of doing. It makes you care less about the consequences. They had, obviously, considered telling you before but feared your reaction."

The happy glow that crept onto Regulus's face at this made Severus want to vomit. Merlin, why did it have to be Potter? Even Evans would have been better.

"Well, what do I do about it?"

He had to intervene now, for Regulus's sake. It was hard to be happy when you're dead. "Nothing."

"What?"

"You do nothing. You will pursue the relationship no farther. You will put the incident behind you and speak of it to no one."

"Why?"

Severus looked into the confused blue irises of his one true friend, trying to make him understand that he was only doing this because he wanted Regulus to be happy in the end. "Because it will take you places you cannot go. You are the last of the Blacks to bare that name. You have a tradition to follow. Regardless whether or not you take the Dark Lord up on his offer, you have a family name and honor weighing on your shoulders now."

Regulus slumped, looking defeated. It was evident that he knew Severus was right, and hated him for it. "You don't even know whom I'm talking about," he mumbled, sounding defeated.

If he were honest with himself, which he rarely was, Severus would have said he hated himself at that moment just as much as Regulus did. He should never have told him Potter really did like him. It would have made this easier.

He felt justified, however, in that Regulus was now aware that the Gryffindor could possibly try again and he would have to be on his guard. "I have a pretty good guess. It is in your best interest, Black, to stay as far away from Gryffindors as possible. They only cause trouble, in the end."

Regulus leaned forward to rest his chin on his arms now folded on the table. If Severus didn't know that Regulus was made of Black pride, he would have thought the younger boy looked as if he were going to cry. "There's nothing I can do?"

"Nothing but be on your guard. It is an impossible relationship, and it's better now to pretend that nothing happened at all. He may love you, but he can't protect you. To choose him is to choose death. Remember that." Gathering his things, Severus stood. If it would have done any good, he would have gone to talk to Potter right then, and told him to leave Regulus alone. He would have told him to shove off and leave the boy to his own devices.

He knew, in his heart, that things were going to be different now. That Regulus was going to have to make impossible choices and there was a very good chance that Severus would lose him.

He conveyed none of these worries to Regulus. Instead he gave him a squeeze on the shoulder, the briefest touch of comfort, and disappeared up to his dorm.


	6. Could Have Been

A/N: Blast you Hikari for making me like Snape again! I was just starting to convince myself that I hated him after book six and now you go and ruin all my hard work!

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James watched as the Slytherin slowly made his way from the library. Something had happened to him. Regulus's shoulders were slumped, and his eyes were sad, and it broke James's heart.

James closed his eyes. He knew that he should walk away, knew that he should just let Regulus alone, but he couldn't. James was a Gryffindor, and as such he had an unhealthy obsession with cheering people up. Especially when said person also happened to be the boy he was in love with.

"Regulus?" James stepped out of the shadows. "Can I talk to you?"

"Obviously, as you are doing so," Regulus's eyes were blank and James suddenly missed the look from this morning.

"Reg, I just…I really made a mess of things, didn't I?" James gave a sad smile, noticing the look of shock that Regulus was giving him.

Lightly grabbing Regulus's sleeve, the Gryffindor led his captive to an empty classroom. "We can't talk here; there would be too many witnesses."

James opened the door and pulled Regulus inside. He didn't know what to say, but they had to talk. "I…" He wouldn't say he was sorry again. It hadn't helped with Lily, it wouldn't help here. "I shouldn't have told you what I did last night."

James watched as Regulus folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the door. When it was obvious the Slytherin wasn't going to say anything, James sighed and sat on a desk. "I mean…I'm glad that you know how I feel, but I really," James shook his head, "I didn't want to make some drunken confession. I wanted to tell you with all the romance and passion that you deserve."

"This isn't going to happen, Potter," Regulus whispered.

"Reg, I really do love you. I know that this is probably impossible. Regardless of what you have heard, I am not an idiot. I know you probably don't feel the same for me. I know that you are the last of the 'true' Blacks and you have the entire family weighing on your shoulders. I know that you will most likely join the Death Eaters, because that is what everyone expects of you." James lifted his eyes from their previous location on the floor and stared into Regulus's, "But I want you to know that there is someone out there who loves you for who you are. Who sees past all the masks that you wear. Who would gladly go against his friends, his house, his family, if it meant being with you. I love you."

James stood and walked towards the door. He didn't know why he insisted on putting himself through this. As he passed Regulus, he gave the boy a small smile and a light kiss on the cheek, before walking out of the room. Regulus had been trembling. Did the Slytherin hate him so much that just hearing James say he loved him made him tremble with disgust?

James took a short cut to Gryffindor Tower. He didn't want to see anyone right now. He just wanted to curl up and let the life drain from his body. '_Why can't he love me? Why does it have to be this way?_' James closed his eyes and leaned against the wall inside the hidden passage. He would just stay here. He didn't want to face Sirius's hate, or Lily's sad understanding. He would just stay here and think about how things should have gone.

He should have told Regulus how he felt years before Sirius ran away. He should have confessed to Sirius and helped the boys grow closer. He should have…he should have been in Slytherin, so that their relationship wouldn't cause a problem. But then, it wouldn't have been him. He couldn't go against his beliefs for love, because then Regulus wouldn't really be in love with _James_. Regulus would have been in love with a mask.

James slid to the ground with a soft thud. He wasn't sure where to go from here. His parents had died months ago of old age, Sirius hated him for loving Regulus, Regulus didn't love him back, Lily was hurt because he had used her…if he had been the suicidal type, now would be when he would have turned his wand to himself. Too bad he wasn't suicidal. That would make things easier; he could just be the coward and stop himself from having to deal with the consequences of last night.

Sometimes being a Gryffindor hurt more than any bearable pain. He had to be brave, even when he just wanted to die. He had to face everything, even when it was hopeless. James let one tear slide down his cheek before he forced all tears away. He wouldn't cry for this. He was a Gryffindor. He was a Potter. He was strong, and he would prove it.

James moved, fully intending on standing up, but ended up laying on his side. Bugger the rest of the world. He could be brave right here, by himself. James curled into a ball and let his thoughts drift to a world so different from this one.

_James smiled, watching Regulus run up to him and wrapped his arms around his lover's waist. "Miss me?"_

"_Not at all," Regulus laughed, leaning his head up and pressing his lips to the Gryffindor's._

"_You're all he's bloody talked about all summer," Sirius sighed dramatically, "I was starting to seriously debate my friendship with you."_

_James just laughed and pulled his lover closer, "Missed you too."_

"_Come on, you too, we'll miss the train," Sirius smirked, wrapping an arm around both boys necks and dragging them on the train._

"_Siri! Ow! Let me go!" Regulus whimpered, trying to escape his brother._

_James elbowed Sirius in the side and twisted his way to freedom. Pulling out his wand, he gave his best glare to his friend, "Let go of my Cub or I swear you'll be pissing green for a month!"_

My Cub. James curled into a tighter ball. He had thought the name up during his third year, when he was still taking Astronomy. The Regulus star was the heart of the constellation Leo, and James had loved it. Ever since that day, Regulus had been Cub in his mind. He only wished he had the courage to say the name aloud. He only wished that the name could be accepted by the Slytherin.

James shook his head. He didn't want this. He would sleep; let his dreams take him to a world much better than this one. Closing his eyes, James smiled. Regulus really was beautiful.


	7. Your Fault

**A/N:** Horrid stupid Yamis that won't let their Hikaris have any emotional peace! How can I not respond to that? How can I not have Regulus explain? Egad I was hoping to avoid writing Regulus's POV for a few more chapters.

…On second thought…maybe I won't have to.

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The great amount of commotion coming from a classroom that should have been empty was what caught Sirius's attention. Logically, it could be Peeves but he usually had more class than that. He didn't randomly tear up classrooms just for the sake of making a mess.

He peeked open the door, and was rather surprised at what he saw. Regulus was in there, turning over desks, kicking things, and screaming obscenities that would make a sailor blush. Sirius decided he had officially gone mad.

He was about to close the door again and leave Regulus to his fit when he noticed something. Something that awakened in him feelings he had long suppressed. Regulus was crying. Not a few tears that could have been caused by him screwing his eyes shut as he swore. No, he was full out crying with body wracking sobs between strings of cursing and tears splashing off his face in mini waterfalls.

It had been years, probably almost seven in fact, since Sirius had seen Regulus cry. He hadn't seen his little brother cry once since the first summer he got back from Hogwarts. Regulus had been ten, and Sirius had started to cause trouble as usual. He'd gone to far that time, and his father had hit him. Regulus had started to cry for Sirius's pain, and been hit worse than Sirius. He was informed that Blacks didn't cry, and he never had again.

There he was now, however, crying like a child throwing a tantrum. It was so uncharacteristic of him that Sirius couldn't ignore the brotherly instincts that were telling him that something was terribly wrong.

He pushed the door open all the way and stepped inside, silently watching his little brother for a moment as Regulus gave one of the desks a mighty shove that sent it crashing to the ground. "Regulus what are you doing?"

Regulus turned to him then, and what he saw in his brother's eyes genuinely frightened the eighteen-year-old Gryffindor. He was used to defiance, anger, and resentment there. He'd even seen tenderness, adoration, and affection in those blue eyes once. Now there was…nothing. They were the eyes of someone that was empty. Broken.

"What the hell…" Sirius asked aloud.

Regulus didn't respond, instead charging at his brother. "You! You put him up to this! You had too!"

Caught of guard, Sirius was bludgeoned by blows for several seconds before he managed to catch the smaller boy's wrists. Sirius could only gape as Regulus stood, his face turned mostly away, sobbing.

"Regulus, what has gotten into you?" Never in Sirius's memory had Regulus physically attacked anyone. He was quite capable of throwing a good curse or jinx your way, but he'd never lost control enough to forget his wand and simply run at someone with his fists flying.

Instead of answering, Regulus looked at him again with his eerie broken eyes. "You knew it! Somehow you knew how much it would hurt me, and so you put him up to it! You think it's all a big joke don't you? Bet you think it's funny that you can make your little brother cry! I hate you! I hate you, and I hate him, and damn it why do I care why can't you just leave me the hell alone!"

Sirius let go of Regulus's wrists and the younger boy fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself and shivering. Having no idea what he was supposed to have done, Sirius knelt beside him.

"This is about James, isn't it? About what he said last night…" It didn't make sense. If it were about that then Regulus should have been laughing. Laughing at the pain he caused James, not sitting here looking like he was dying inside.

"I can't love him, don't you understand that? I want to and I can't and you just keep rubbing my face in it! Does this amuse you, Sirius? Do you think it's **_funny_** to dangle what I can't have in front of me?"

"I'm not dangling anything in front of you, you little whelp," Sirius responded instinctively, getting to his feet.

Regulus looked up sharply, and Sirius reached for his wand. Nothing happened. Regulus did nothing but blink his suddenly to old eyes at him. Sirius lowered his wand slowly.

"You're really hurting, aren't you?"

Even now, Regulus laughed. A laugh that was cold and hard and sent shivers of terror down Sirius's spine. "No shit, Sherlock. Regular genius aren't you?"

Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be mad. He should have left right then and not looked back, but the way Regulus now had his knees pulled up to his chest as he rocked back and forth somehow made him stay. He couldn't just leave him like that.

No one with any kind of heart could leave him like that, and heart was something Sirius had plenty of.

"Regulus…what's wrong?"

"I told you already," Regulus replied wetly, not lifting his chin from where it was resting on his knees to look at Sirius. "I can't love him. I want to but I just…I can't. I'm to much of a coward for that."

"Loving James has nothing to do with being a coward…"

"It has everything to do with it!" Regulus jumped to his feet now, staring down at Sirius like a frightened animal. "Don't you understand that? Loving him would cost me everything! Everything I've worked for and fought for. I can't do that."

"Then you don't deserve James's love." Sirius said darkly, standing up. "He would do the same for you and more."

Regulus laughed bitterly. "You don't understand. Of course you don't. You never did. Everything comes down to me."

"Little self-important, aren't we?"

"Don't you get it, Sirius? Because of you, I'm the last of the Blacks! I'm the one that everyone is looking too to lead the family! I'm the one who can't screw up or we're all ruined! Because of you I'm expected to take the mark, and lead, and do great things! Because of you I can't love him!"

"Because of…" Sirius didn't know what to think. How was he supposed to respond to that? Was he right? Confused and hating it, Sirius reverted to his default setting when dealing with Regulus. Anger. "You can't go blaming all your problems on me, you great idiot! If you hate it so much then do something about it! You're a bloody great coward, or else like playing the martyr shit."

"And that," Regulus laughed again, the same eerie dead laugh, "is where the courage comes in. I always admired you, you know. You don't need anyone. Not me. I need people to love me."

Sirius backed away, feeling his anger leaving him at his brother's tone. "Regulus…I…"

"Go away."

Sirius blinked, but he didn't need to be told twice. This whole situation was far to weird for him. Everything he thought he knew was now crashing around his ears, and if Regulus was to believed, he was the one doing it.

Sirius walked to the library, slumped into a table, and chose to stare at the ceiling. What was he supposed to believe now? Up until last night the world had been so black and white. Easy to see, easy to deal with. Suddenly it was all one murky shade of grey.

There was only one thing Sirius knew for certain. James would never find out what happened in that classroom. If he knew that there was a chance Regulus loved him but wouldn't love him it would kill him. This was a secret Sirius was determined to take with him to his grave.


	8. Unwanted Understanding

A/N: My Hikari is complaining because I have thus far only posted chapters with a James center. Therefore, this one is centered on Lily. Maybe that will make her happy.

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Lily stood silently for a moment. She had been just outside the classroom as Sirius and Regulus had their… 'brotherly moment' and now she was trying to figure out how to respond. A part of her very much just wanted to go and slap Regulus and tell him how much he didn't deserve James. But in a way, she understood what he was going through.

She had never known what it was like to be a pureblood, but she did know what it was like growing up as the only witch in a family. Everyone expected her to have suddenly become unfaultable and to be able to fix all their problems. Sometimes the pressure just built up.

Lily shook her head. The last thing she wanted to be doing right now was sympathizing with the boy who had stolen James heart. Especially when it seemed that his only plan for it was to ignore it and break it.

Lily walked to the library and sat down with Sirius. "This royally stinks."

"You're telling me," Sirius's voice was cracked, as if he hadn't used it in ages and Lily had to wonder if he was holding back tears. "S'pose James talked to you too, then?"

"Yeah. Wasn't exactly my fantasy of the morning after our first kiss," Lily sighed. "Why does he love that git?"

"I…" Sirius shook his head. "I'd like to say I didn't know. Because Regulus has been nothing more than an evil prat to me for years. But now…"

"You wonder if James has been the one to see the real him all along?" Lily said softly. It hurt to say it, because that would say so much about James. It was just one more thing that Lily could love about him, but he would never love her back.

"I don't want him to have been right," Sirius growled. "I should have been right about him. He's my brother. I should know him! I can't have been wrong! I can't have been the one to turn him into this."

Lily closed her eyes, "I don't really want to see him as anything other than an evil prat either. I just want to think of him as a future Death Eater, because then I could hate him. Hate him for his ideals. Hate him for fooling James. Hate him because James loves him and not me."

Lily bit her lip hard enough to taste coppery blood in her mouth. Why couldn't she just continue hating him? "But James is smart. He wouldn't be so easily fooled. And maybe…maybe we all helped turn Regulus into what he is. Because that's exactly what we want him to be. We want him to be someone we can hate."

"You are not helping here, Evans," Sirius growled.

Lily knew that he didn't want to hear this. Hell, she didn't want to be saying this, but it had to be said. She loved James, and she wouldn't let him lose everything. She couldn't make Regulus grow a spine and love James back, but she could make damn sure that Sirius didn't hate James for loving the coward.

"You think I want to say this? You think I want to sympathize with that bastard? I don't! But James deserves our understanding. He deserves…"

"He used you for years! What do you care what he does and doesn't deserve!" Sirius stood and began pacing.

Bile rose in Lily's throat, but she refused to let Sirius see the effect of his words. She hated what James had done to her. She just wanted to stop loving him, but love was a spell that was not easily broken. Her dad used to tell her that when someone hurts you, you hate the action, not the man. If you went around hating everyone who hurt you once, you would never be happy.

"I know what he did," Lily whispered. "I know better than anyone what he did. But I can't stop loving him. Just like you can't stop being his friend just because he sees something in your brother that you don't want to see."

Sirius stopped his pacing to glare at Lily, "You honestly think I don't want you see it? You think I didn't spend years looking for some kind of goodness in him? You think I _WANT_ my brother to be a Death Eater?"

"Maybe!" Lily yelled back. "Because then you can feel all noble. Then you can excuse that you left him when you ran away. Then you can feel like you are truly the only Black worth a damn!"

Lily had stood up before she realized what she was doing and was now standing an inch away from Sirius.

"Shhh," Madam Pince had made her way over, and was now shoving the two Gryffindors out of the library.

Lily looked back to yell at the librarian, but something caught her eye. Standing by a shelf, staring at the two, was Severus Snape. Lily shivered. She had a feeling that Snape was already a Death Eater, and she prayed that she hadn't just given him enough information to get Regulus killed. Maybe it was a good idea to take this conversation else where.

Grabbing Sirius's arm, Lily dragged the resisting boy up to Gryffindor Tower and pushed him down onto a couch. "Listen, I'm not any happier about this then you are, trust me. In fact, I think that I am more upset about this than you are. But the fact remains that James is your best mate, and he deserves more understanding."

"I don't care about what you think he deserves," Sirius looked away, "I deserve a friend who I can trust. And I don't want all those things you said. I don't want Regulus to be a Death Eater so that I can justify anything, or feel like a noble Black, or any of that. It is just who Regulus is. Regulus is a prat."

"Maybe he is," Lily said quietly, "but how could you ever know without letting him get close to you again. Maybe everything you thought is true…but maybe Regulus wasn't lying when he talked to you. Maybe he wants more than the life he's living."

Why did she have to be the one to do this? Why did she have to be the one to understand? She wanted James to love her, wanted Regulus to disappear; but she knew how he must feel, and she couldn't walk away now. She had to try and make Sirius at least consider the possibility that Regulus was more than he seemed.

"And you know you can trust James. It's not like he chose to love Regulus," Lily let out a defeated sigh. "He didn't want this any more than either of us."

"I know. I just wanted him to love you," Sirius looked up. "You know, I'm the one who pushed him to kissing you. To pursuing you at all."

Lily looked at the fire. That hurt. She knew it should make her feel better, because it meant that James wasn't to blame for using her…but it also meant that he hadn't picked her. She had kind of hoped that James, although he didn't love her, had seen something in her that made him choose her. She shook her head, James didn't see anything in her at all, and she would just have to live with that.

"Just let him back. Don't hate him for something he can't help," Lily met Sirius's eyes, "and give your brother a chance. He may just surprise us all."

With that said, Lily walked up the stairs to the girls' dorm. She hated that she understood them. She hated that none of them seemed to understand her.


	9. Giving Up

**A/N:** A pox on you, Yami, for inspiring another Severus chapter. I wanted to do a Peter one, and instead I get this. Ah well. Same idea, I suppose. I'll save Pete for later.

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'Well, Evans certainly gets brownie points,' Severus though icily as he swept out of the library with all the dignity he could muster after having his world so severely shaken. It wasn't everyday you found two Gryffindors arguing about the merits of your best friend's character.

The fact that this little fling seemed to cause some rift in Black and Potter's relationship brought him some satisfaction, but it was bittersweet because he knew that Regulus would be their sacrifice. Whichever one of the 'dynamic duo' won in the end, Regulus couldn't win.

Fully intent on returning to the Slytherin common room and waiting for Regulus there, he was somewhat surprised to hear muffled sobs coming from a nearby classroom. Curious, if not intending to help in anyway, Severus poked his head in the slightly ajar door.

It looked as though a Hippogriff gone mad had been released inside the classroom. Desks were over turned, papers shredded, and sitting in the middle of it was Regulus. He wasn't so much sitting as lying curled up on his side with his knees pulled up to his chest.

It dawned on Severus that person responsible for the disaster was probably none other than Regulus himself. No small number of moments passed before Severus could fully comprehend this information. He had never known Regulus to be destructive before…but then he'd never known him to **_cry_** before either and he most certainly was now.

Stepping into the confusion of a room, he made his way across the room. He was sure to make a slight amount of noise so as not to startle Regulus completely. Once he reached the younger boy's side he sat down and pulled out his book.

Severus Snape was not one for comforting crying people. He felt it was entirely up to them to stop regain their composure. Normally he would have left the crying person alone, but this was Regulus and as such he merited special treatment.

He turned the pages lazily until the sniffling subsided and Regulus sat up, looking ashamed of himself. Snape shut the book and turned to look at his young friend.

"What happened?"

"Had a talk with Potter," Regulus answered, his voice thick. Severus scowled.

"I told you to stay away from him!"

"It's not like I tried, okay? He just kind of…appeared. He said that he loved me, no matter what. He kissed me again, and left. And I…" Regulus paused for a moment to collect himself, and Severus didn't interrupt, "and I lost control. _He_ showed up, and we fought."

"So I heard."

"You heard?"

"From Evans, who apparently has the nasty habit of eavesdropping. She was arguing with him in the library. Seemed to think you were a nasty little brute intent on breaking Potter's heart."

Regulus scowled, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his thin arms around them. "I don't care."

"You should. If anyone but me had heard that and you tried to get the Dark Mark it would mean certain death for you."

"Severus…that's the part I don't care about anymore."

Snape closed his eyes wearily. He wanted desperately to imitate Regulus's position, but knew he couldn't. Knew that would show weakness. Knew that would show he genuinely cared about Regulus, something he had been avoiding for six years. Instead, he leaned back on his hands. "You don't care if you die?"

"Well…I do. In a way, but…I don't think dying could be any worse than what I'm going through right now, can it?"

"When I'm dead I'll be sure to tell you."

"Thanks for that, Severus."

The two sat in silence for a while, Regulus taking deep trembling breaths. Severus frowned at the floor.

"I'm not going to let you do this," he said after a while. "It's suicide. If Potter isn't on the Dark Lord's list already he will be as soon as he leaves school. To align yourself with him is to akin to pledging open allegiance to Albus Dumbledore."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing, you half-wit."

"Careful, Severus. Someone might think you cared about me."

"Regulus, listen to me. No, shut up and **_listen_** to me. The Dark Lord has powers more terrible than you can possibly imagine. Being the purest of the pure will not save you when the Dark Lord wins…and he will win. He has done things to people that Dumbledore can't even fathom. He has powers the Headmaster will never have. Dumbledore will not be able to protect you, no matter what he promises. The best thing to do is align yourself with the winning side and keep your head down."

"At what cost?"

"Any cost."

Silence again as Regulus put his chin on his knees, a look of deep thought on his face. After a while he spoke again, still not looking at Snape. "I don't think I can do it. Killing people, I mean. I can barely punish a house elf. I'm just not made for it."

Severus said nothing as he began to gather his books into a pile.

"Have you, Severus? Killed anyone I mean?" Regulus was looking at him now, his blue eyes alive with emotions that Severus couldn't even name. Emotions he doubted he'd ever felt.

The older Slytherin stood up, looking away Regulus. Why couldn't he protect the boy without destroying him? "Once."

"What was it like?"

"It was the most terrible thing I've ever done in my life, and I've done some pretty terrible things. If you can find a way out of it and still live, do it." Leaving the sixteen-year-old alone to brood, Severus walked toward the door.

"Severus?"

He stopped, half turning around.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

A pause. "Once."

"What would you do for her?"

"Anything, if she asked. But she won't."

"Could you forgive me, if I did anything for the person I loved?"

"I have a better question, Regulus. Can you if you don't?" With a wave of his wand to straighten the classroom, Severus left Regulus alone and hated himself more with every step he took.


	10. Masks

A/N: Is really starting to like Severus now! Damn you Hikari!

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"Have any of you seen James recently?" Remus asked, walking down to the common room. It was late, getting close to curfew, and the boy had been missing all day.

When it was clear no one had, Remus walked out of the portrait hole. He really hoped nothing was wrong, but given the days events, he wasn't very confident. Remus knew that James was the kind of person who took rejection to heart, and if James had confronted Regulus and been turned down, and then it was likely that James would be hiding for a while. He might not even show up until tomorrow's classes.

"Lily, have you seen James?" Remus asked, pausing in the hallway where the girl was walking back to the Tower.

"No, why?" Lily stopped walking, standing in front of Remus.

"No one has seen him for hours. Not since right before lunch." Remus shook his head. It probably wasn't the most sensitive thing for him to be asking Lily for help, but they needed it.

"I'll help you look," Lily said, turning and heading in the same direction Remus was going. "I know he talked to Regulus earlier. Don't know what about, or when."

"Great," if James had talked to Regulus again, than it was pretty fair to assume that he was hiding.

Remus led the way outside and to the lake. Sometimes James had an addiction to the outdoors, and Remus hoped that his friend had chosen now as one of those times. Unfortunately, the only person by the lake was currently Severus Snape. Remus was about to turn and walk away, when he noticed Lily walking over to the Slytherin purposefully.

Remus followed the girl, wondering why she was going to talk to Snape of all people. Snape hated James, and even if he did know where James was he wouldn't tell.

"Hi," Lily smiled, sitting beside Snape.

"What do you want, Evans?" Snape didn't even turn his gaze away from the lake. Remus was about to pull Lily away when one thing made it's way into his mind. Snape's voice had sounded tired, even sad. He hadn't said that with his usual I'm-better-than-you-stupid-mudblood voice.

"James is missing. I was wondering if you've seen him?" Lily smiled kindly at the Slytherin.

Remus stood behind them, afraid to intervene. The Marauders hadn't exactly been kind to Severus over the past years, and Remus knew that Snape hated them. Snape had never been overly rude to Lily, however. He made it obvious that he didn't like her, but he was never hostile to her.

"I don't keep track of Gryffindors, especially that one. If you can't find your boyfriend, it's not my problem."

"We both know he isn't my boyfriend," Lily looked out across the lake, and Remus was tempted to leave her there. Snape wasn't going to be any help, and Lily could probably use some time talking to someone who hadn't been best friends with James for years.

"You want him to be," Snape turned and pulled a book from his bag, obviously trying to end the conversation.

"I did," Lily nodded. "But not anymore. I do…but I don't want to be someone anyone settles for." Lily gave a small laugh, "That sounds so self-involved when said aloud."

Everything was quiet for a moment and Remus almost left, when Lily spoke again, "Can I ask a favor of you?"

Snape froze, but didn't say anything.

"I know you are friends with Regulus, and I know you hate James," Lily looked down at her hands, "but they really do need each other, I think. James really loves him, and I think that Regulus feels the same."

"And what is it, exactly, that you want me to do about it?" Snape turned cold eyes on Lily.

"Just…look out for him. Even if Regulus does love someone you hate. Just try and keep him safe, because it this gets out…" Lily looked up at Snape and sighed, "You know better than I what would happen. I just don't want to see either of them hurt. Much as I hate to admit, I'm kinda starting to care about that little Slytherin." Lily gave Snape a small smile, before standing. "Just…think about it."

Turning, Lily and Remus started to walk away. Remus had to hand it to Lily, she had a big heart. He didn't know that he could be so understanding if their places were switched.

"Evans?" Lily and Remus turned at the sound of Snape's voice. Snape wasn't looking at either of them. His posture was stiff and his voice was cold as he continued. Remus knew that what Snape was saying now was costing the Slytherin a lot. "If it is in my power to do so, I won't let anything happen to either of them."

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

Remus stared at both of them. He had never thought that Severus would say anything like that, but Lily seemed to have known. Lily seemed to have seen something there that Remus never had, and Remus wondered if Regulus wasn't the only Slytherin who wore masks.

"Come on," Lily pulled Remus away, toward the castle.

When they were out of earshot of Snape, Remus had to ask, "How did you know he would help?"

"I didn't," Lily glanced back at the figure by the lake. "But everything that's happened today…I just wondered if there was any decency in him. I think he's probably a Death Eater, and if anyone could protect Regulus and James it would be someone inside You-Know-Who's circle."

"But, what made you think that he would help?" Remus pressed again.

"I don't know. I saw him in the library earlier, and he had heard me and Sirius fighting. He knew about Regulus and James, and I figured we had nothing to lose by asking for his help. At least now I know that I don't have to be scared that what he heard will get them killed."

Remus knew there was more, but didn't press Lily. She sounded just as stunned as he did about what Snape had said. Maybe, like him, Lily was wondering who else was wearing masks. They had considered so many at this school as enemies for so long, but now it seemed that, under the mask, they really were all just kids trying to do what they had to.


	11. Growing Up

**A/N:** I just realized that anyone who has me on his or her Author Alert is getting a whole bunch of totally useless e-mails. Sorry you guys!

* * *

When Remus had asked him earlier if he'd seen James, Peter had begun to worry. Now, with the hours steadily passing and still no sign of their friend, Peter was starting to panic. He'd only managed to pick up scattered details throughout the day of exactly what had happened. It amounted to, as far as he could tell, James kissing Lily and then kissing Regulus and deciding he liked Regulus- then being stupid enough to tell this to Sirius.

Now, Peter adored James truly. He had since their first meeting on the train, but even he had to admit that James had a stupid streak that showed itself at the worst times. Like now, for instance.

Remus and Sirius had both agreed it was perfectly safe for Peter to run around as Wormtail that night and look for James as long as he avoided any mousetraps. Peter had tried to point out that he was- of course- smart enough to know that already but they had ignored him. He chalked that up to their worry for James, and had done as he was told.

Now, as he scampered a long looking through little rat eyes, his real concern was the caretaker's cat. He wasn't sure why all the caretakers he'd ever met had cats, but they did and when one was rat that was a bad thing.

He was so busy looking out for said cat that he didn't see James until he ran into his foot.

'Ouch,' Peter thought, turning back into his human form and rubbing his head. "Dumb rat eye sight."

Blinking his blue eyes until they adjusted to the dark, he looked down at his apparently sleeping friend. He knew better than to hope a rat running into his foot would wake James. A rat running across his face probably wouldn't waken him.

Turning his blond head slightly, Peter found he could see James's face better. The other boy looked so…relaxed. Certainly more so then he had in the last few months. Looking at his face, Peter couldn't bring himself to wake him. Not just yet.

Instead, he leaned against the wall and sat on his knees. "When did all this get to be so complicated?" He wondered aloud, looking down at his slightly pudgy hands. He had thought for the longest time that the world was simple. James loved Lily. Remus studied. Padfoot was a jerk. Life outside of Hogwarts didn't matter.

This year, however, it had mattered. It had mattered that James's parents had died. It had mattered that Death Eaters had killed Peter's father that summer…

Peter shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. He hadn't told anyone. He had been going to, really, but he saw the looks of pity James had received and his parents had died of old age. He didn't know, and didn't want to know, what he would get if his friends knew about his father.

"It's funny, you know," Peter told the still slumbering James, "I really thought that we'd stay like this forever. I really thought we'd always just be Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail. Except now, we've grown up. We've grown up without meaning to or even really realizing it. We can't go back, but we don't want to go forward."

Turning his head slightly, he gently brushed a few strands of hair out of his friend's eyes. James muttered in his sleep, and Peter smiled. "I bet you know exactly what you want to do with your life. I'll bet you're not afraid of going forward. You never are. You deserve to be a Gryffindor. Not like me."

Leaning his head against the wall, Peter looked up at the ceiling he couldn't see in the still dark. "I wish my Dad was here. He was never afraid either. He always knew exactly where to go and how to win everyone. Except for them. I watched him die you know. I was too afraid to help him…I just hid in the closet and…"

Peter buried his head in his hands now, a soft sob escaping his throat. It had been horrible. They had raided the house. Peter had helped his mother and three little sisters to get out, and then gone back to help his father. His father had told him to run, but then it was almost too late. Instead, he had pushed Peter into the closet.

He could still hear his father screaming from the Cruciatus curse when he was in that place between waking and dreaming…

"Maybe," he whispered, "if I had been brave like you, I could have saved him. Maybe…"

"Pete?"

Peter jumped, lifting his head to find James staring at him. James picked his glasses up from where they had fallen on the floor and stared at his friend. Peter simply stared back, not daring to speak.

When it became evident that James wasn't going to say anything, Peter asked meekly, "how long have you been awake?"

"Long enough," James said simply, sitting beside his friend. "How come you didn't tell us? We could have helped."

"Don't see how. Whether or not you knew he was still dead. Besides, it was all over the Daily Prophet…"

"We all stopped taking the Prophet ages ago, Wormtail, you know that. It's far too depressing."

"Well…you had enough to worry about. It didn't change anything. Not really."

"It changed you," James whispered. Peter didn't respond, so James continued. "It explains a lot, actually."

"Like what?"

"Like why you grew up. Like why you don't smile anymore. Why you keep having nightmares…"

"You knew about my nightmares and never said anything!" Peter asked, horrified. "What kind of friend are you?"

"I could ask the same thing to you. I was kind of hoping you trust me enough to tell me what they were about, but you never did."

Peter hung his head, ashamed. "I don't want to be a bother…"

James smiled, reaching out and ruffling Peter's hair. "You're never a bother, Wormtail. You're one of us. You're problems are my problems."

"Works both ways," Peter said. James frowned, but didn't answer, so Peter pressed on. "Do you want Remus and I to handle Padfoot?"

"I don't think you **_can_** handle Padfoot right now. I kind of preformed the ultimate no-no this time."

"I'll say you did. You told him you stupid deer."

"Stag."

"Whatever. But you and Padfoot have a friendship that's stronger than that. Remus and I will handle him, and he'll cool down. He'll see it really doesn't matter, in the end, who you fancy."

James groaned, leaning his head against his knees. "I've really screwed up this time, Pete. I don't know if we can fix this. Everyone hates me…"

"What am I, mashed carrots?"

"Okay, so you don't hate me."

"Neither does Remus."

"Okay, neither does Remus."

"Or Padfoot."

"Don't push it."

"He doesn't, Prongs. Not really. I don't think that Regulus does, either. Not if Evans is to be believed. She might hate you…if she can…which I doubt."

"So not helpful," but James was smiling now. Peter hoisted himself to his feet and offered a hand down to his friend, which James too gratefully. "Thanks, Peter."

"Any time, Prongs. Any time."


	12. Only Time

A/N: This story is growing out of control…and I have no idea where it will stop!

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James didn't get any sleep that night. By the time Peter and he got back to the dorm, it was late enough that Remus and Sirius had fallen asleep despite their worry over him. It had been a quiet, and long battle before James convinced Peter not to wake their friends and inform them that James was back. In the end, though, Peter understood James's need to be alone for the night.

Now dawn was approaching, and James's legs were aching from his constant pacing around the Common Room. Remus would wake soon; the werewolf always woke at dawn. James was sure that he wouldn't be able to convince Remus not to wake Sirius.

Regardless of the night of thought, James was no closer to being ready to face Sirius. He had really messed things up. James had always known that the Marauders would some day separate. He was too smart not to understand that kids grew apart as they grew up, but he had never thought that it would be him who would destroyed the Marauders.

James ran his fingers through his hair, glad that there was no one awake to tease him for it. Once upon a time, the action had been his lame attempts at impressing people; but now it was nothing more than a nervous habit.

Why did it have to come to this? Why did love have to be what broke them?

"Jamie?" James turned in shock. Sirius was _never_ the first to wake up.

"Don't call me Jamie," James said weakly, desperately grabbing at the only normality in this chaos.

Sirius gave a half-hearted smile, "Never did understand what you hate about that name."

James considered telling him the truth. The truth was that he loved the name, loved that only Sirius called him that. Sirius had always been like a brother too him, and the fact that Sirius teased him with the name made James feel like they really were brothers. "Makes me sound like a bloody girl," James said instead.

"You're a ponce, so not far off," Sirius chuckled, but froze a moment after. James saw the exact moment the words registered in Sirius's mind. One day, he would teach his friend how to think before you speak.

"Not really sure about that, actually," James said casually, as though discussing a shirt he was planning to wear. James plopped down on the couch, patting the seat beside him and waited for Sirius to sit before he continued. "Never was attracted to guys in general. Or girls, obviously. Just attracted to one guy."

"And that guy just had to be my brother?" Sirius leaned his head back against the couch and glared at the ceiling.

"Well, yeah," James leaned back too, so that he could avoid looking at his friend. "I mean, he has all the Black charm and none of your temper."

"What is it really?" Sirius was the first to break the dry humor that enveloped him. Sirius had never before been the first to break the humor for the somber.

"He's just," James sighed. He had tried to explain it to Sirius before, but he had failed. James knew that if he failed again, he wouldn't be getting another chance. "everything. He's good-looking, and smart, strong…"

Sirius made a disbelieving noise and James smiled. He had been expecting that.

"He really is," James said sadly, "He hasn't been given anything in life, but he keeps fighting. He does what he needs to survive…Doesn't always do what is right, but he fights for the one constant in his life: himself."

"You're going to say I abandoned him too, aren't you?"

"No," James looked at his friend, "You did what you had too. I highly doubt Regulus would have gone with you, even if he had the choice. But you have to see that he is just doing what he has to too. You left to survive, he stayed to survive. You rebelled to survive, he bent to survive. You two are not so very different. You just have different instincts."

"He's nothing like me," Sirius growled. "I wouldn't become a Death Eater! How can you love _that?_"

"Maybe he won't either," James whispered. "I don't always love what he's done. But no one is perfect. He is strong, whether you or he knows it. I see it, and I love that he can't. I love that he is so in need of someone to protect him. I love that he has stayed so young, even with everything he is forced to live through."

"Do you think it is my fault he is who he is?" Sirius said this so quietly that James almost didn't hear it.

"No…well, not completely. I think that we all did it. Just like we all made you who you are, and you all made me who I am. Everyone we touch in life has an impact on who we become. You touched his life for so long, and so deeply that your impact was just stronger than most."

"When did you become so wise?" Sirius smiled, and James saw that his friend understood his words. He just hoped that Sirius believed them.

"M'not," James laughed, "Read it on a fortune cookie." There was a time for humor and a time for somber, and James was personally getting sick of somber.

Sirius chuckled now, "Prat."

"Just a bit," James said proudly. "We going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Sirius sighed, "I guess only time will tell. I still don't like all of this. I still wish it had been anyone but him. I still don't understand what you see in him. I still hate him on so many levels. But…I don't hate you. Never could."

"That's a start," James sighed. He didn't know how to make Sirius love Regulus again; he wasn't even sure it was possible.

James stood up, stretching his aching muscles, "Let's get dressed. Today's a new day, maybe this one will be better."

Sirius laughed, "Ponce."

"That's me," James smirked.

"Now that's more like it," said a voice behind them.

James and Sirius both turned to see Remus and Peter sitting on the stairs. Sirius flushed, and James knew he was wondering how long the two had been there.

Peter stood too, already dressed. "Now that you two are finished making up, can we get some food? I'm starving!"

Remus chuckled lightly, "We'll meet you down there," he followed Peter to the portrait hole as James and Sirius made their way upstairs.

They still had a lot to talk about. James still needed to tell the others about Peter and his dad. He still needed to discover if there was any chance to stop Regulus hating him. If there wasn't, James had to discover a way to move on. There were just so many questions, and so many problems.

Maybe the Marauders weren't destroyed yet though. Maybe there was hope for them all.

In the long run, Sirius was right. Only time would tell.


	13. Ground Rules

**A/N:** I'm going to ramble this time and see where it goes.

* * *

To say Regulus was nervous would have been an understatement. He was so nervous, in fact, that even Rabastan LeStrange had picked up on it.

"Test today, Black?"

"Yeah. Test."

"On a Monday?" Barty Crouch Jr. asked. "Harsh."

"Life is," Regulus said, just as vaguely as his previous answer. Barty and Rabastan shrugged at each other. Regulus ignored them and left for the common room. Severus was already there, dressed and studying Defense Against the Dark Arts as usual. Regulus sat in his customary chair beside him.

"Did they ever find him?" He asked, hopefully. He knew Severus wouldn't need an explanation of whom he was referring to. Severus never did.

After Severus had informed him James had gone missing last night- well after curfew when Regulus could do nothing about it he might add- Regulus had been unable to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about how James was missing because of him. All kinds of horrible scenarios had played through his mind until the early hours of the morning.

"I have no idea," the older Slytherin stated simply. Regulus slumped further in the chair, and received a kick for it. "Sit up. You didn't use to do that before. If you're going to pull this off you're going to have to stop skulking."

"I'm not skulking." Regulus protested even as he sat up straight. "What is it I'm doing, exactly?"

"Becoming Potter's secret lover, and I would thank you kindly not to spread it around."

"Wait a minute. Now you're telling me to do this?" Regulus couldn't help but wonder if someone had put Severus under the imperious curse. Or replaced his brains with Gillyweed. One of the two.

"I told you to do it yesterday."

"No you didn't."

"I asked you a valid question which amounted to the same thing."

Regulus had no response for this, and instead folded his arms over his chest. After a moments reflection, he came up with a suitable come back. "I thought you were going to stop me, if you could."

"I am." Severus said without looking up from his essay.

"So why are you helping me?"

"Because the point of stopping you is to save your sorry ass from being killed. Pining after him will result in the same end. I'm going for a happy medium."

"Oh." Regulus said stupidly. He turned to look at the floor instead, studying his shoes. The toes were starting to wear out on his left one, he noticed. He was going to have to write Mother and ask for new ones…

Severus slammed his book and Regulus jumped. He knew he looked guilty, though he hadn't do anything wrong, and schooled his expression into indifference as he looked evenly at his best friend.

"We're going to breakfast now," Severus said calmly, forcing Regulus to meet his eyes.

"Okay," Regulus answered, wondering vaguely what it was about today that had reduced his vocabulary so drastically.

"Before we do so, I need to establish a few ground rules. These are for your own protection, and not my own amusement."

"You sure about that?"

"Well, most of them."

"Fair enough."

"First rule is that you are not to stare at him. You didn't use to, and if you start doing it I will be forced to render swift action to distract you. Staring is an obvious give away."

Wondering how it was possible he had never stared at James before, Regulus nodded. "Okay, I'll give it a shot. Out of curiosity, what kind of distraction will you give?"

He soon regretted asking as a sharp pain shot up his shin where Severus had kicked him. "Ow! That hurt you prat!"

"That was, I believe, the idea."

"I'm never asking you for anything again."

"Pity me. I shall survive somehow."

Now that the pain had subsided somewhat, Regulus stopped rubbing it and sat up fully again. "Okay, so what's Rule number two?"

"You are not to be seen associating with him in public. Not anywhere. No one- not even the **_noble _**Gryffindors- can be trusted. If I ever catch you together in public exchanging more that insults…"

"I will receive swift punishment?" Regulus asked sweetly. Severus raised an eyebrow, which Regulus had long ago learned to mean either he was suspicious or amused. He hoped it was the later.

"Very swift."

"Similar to the last?"

"I'll aim higher."

"Ouch."

"On Potter."

"Double Ouch. You'd enjoy that though?"

"Not really. To Muggle. Rule Three is that everything you do is to be reported back to me with as much detail as you can remember."

Regulus burst out laughing then. "Everything? Severus, I didn't know you were that way."

"You think a bit far ahead don't you, Black?" Snape responded, looking thoroughly disgusted.

"I like to think I'm irresistible."

"You would."

"Okay, I agree to the rule with in certain limits. Can I ask why?"

Severus looked ready to say something, and then changed his mind half way through and instead said something along the lines of, "so that I will know which rumors to be wary of and which need to be dealt with."

"Alright, fair enough. Anything else?"

"Let me observe you and get back to you this evening. I'm sure there will be plenty more."

Regulus laughed again, running his left hand through his hair. "You make it sound like this is a test."

"It is. If you behave, I shall allow you to continue the relationship."

Regulus snorted. "Who do you think you are, my brother?"

"Close enough."

Regulus froze, suddenly gaping. It was the first time that he could remember Severus ever actually acknowledging they had any kind of relationship at all. He blinked several times before he managed to get anything out of his mouth. "You're better than my brother. Thanks. Really. I'm glad you've got my back."

For a moment Regulus thought he saw a smile on Severus's face, but it was gone before he could really be sure.

"Don't get all mushy on me now, Black. Save it for my funeral. Right now, we need you to survive breakfast." Severus stood up and walked toward the Great Hall, Regulus following at his heels with a rather ridiculous grin on his face.


	14. Of Slytherins

A/N: The idea for this chapter was Reggies', but I couldn't resist when she told me to write it.

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"Potter," Snape growled, stopping in front of Sirius and James.

"Snape," James sighed. Did the git have to ruin a perfectly good morning?

"Snivellus," Sirius's glare was cold.

"I need a word, alone." Snape turned and began walking away, as though completely confident that James could and would do nothing other than obey and follow.

James stood stubbornly, watching the Slytherin's retreating back. Snape made it about half way down the hall before he seemed to notice that no one was following. When he turned, James smirked.

"Now, Potter," Snape hissed.

"Make me," James shook his head and walked toward the Great Hall, Sirius chuckling beside him.

Snape's angry footsteps stopped both boys. They turned to find themselves face to face with the Slytherin again. "As much enjoyment as it would bring me to 'make you,' that would, unfortunately, cause Black to follow. As I said before, I need a word in private."

James sighed, curiosity was a curse. Now he was simply too curious as to what Snape could possibly want this bad, he just had to follow the slimy git.

"Alright," James turned to Sirius, "See you in class then; sneak me a muffin or something."

Sirius glared and James hoped that he hadn't just undone this morning's work of patching their friendship. After a moment's hesitation, Sirius nodded and entered the Great Hall alone. James looked back at Snape.

"This had better be worth it."

Snape said nothing, merely led the way down the hall and to an empty classroom. James looked around, remembering his last visit to an empty classroom. He amused himself for a moment with the image of Snape confessing his love for James and kissing the Gryffindor on the cheek. Actually, that last thought was a bit too revolting to be amusing.

"I'm not sure if Regulus has made you aware," Snape began, glaring at James from across the room, "and I know you are too dense to discover for yourself, but he has rather deep feelings for you."

James felt his eyes widen, "What makes you think that?" Could Snape be right?

"He told me," Snape folded his arms across his chess. "That is, however, not the issue here. The issue is…" Snape faded off as he realized that James wasn't paying attention.

James leaned against the wall, a huge grin on his face. Regulus fancied him back? Regulus really wanted to be with him? James nearly ran to find the Slytherin right then, but Snape's voice stopped him.

"You realize this could easily get Regulus killed?"

James froze. Snape was right. Regulus was a pure blood Slytherin and had his own commitments. Just because Regulus felt something for him, didn't lessen any of their problems. Actually, it probably doubled them.

"Why are you telling me this?" James snapped at Snape. He had to take his frustration out on someone, and Snape was an easy target.

"Because, against my better judgment, I have encouraged him to follow through with those feelings," Snape pinched the bridge of his nose as though he had a headache.

"Why?" James asked before he could stop himself. It was no secret that Snape hated him, and the feeling had been mutual right up until this point. Why would Snape tell his only friend to date the person who had tormented him for years?

"Not pursuing a relationship would have gotten him killed," Snape growled. "He was being far too obvious with his emotions, and should someone report him he would be dead."

"So…you're suggesting we have a secret relationship?" James was still too shocked by Snape helping him to process anything quickly.

"Yes," Snape said simply. "Your relationship will be secret. In public, nothing is to change. I will do everything in my power to protect said secret. But…"

James knew there had to be a but. "Yes?"

"You will follow a few rules. If you refuse, I shall take back my advice and assistance and I will make sure that Regulus never so much as thinks about you again. Understood?"

"What rules," James asked, suspicious.

"The first, is that you will keep this secret. You will not tell anybody, even your friends, about the relationship."

"You know I can't do that. I will agree that no one else knows, but I can't keep secrets from my friends," James sighed. He really hoped that all of Snape's rules weren't so impossible.

"Even for the chance to be with someone you love?" Snape glared at James. James closed his eyes. As much as he would hate that, he could do it for Regulus. "Fine," Snape growled, "You can tell your so-called friends only if Regulus approves of it."

James nodded, he could handle that.

"Second: You will not sleep with Regulus for at least a month."

James laughed, "Did you give him that rule too?"

"No."

"I'll try," James snickered. How did Snape come up with these?

"You won't try. You will either give your word, or you will not have Regulus at all." Snape was furious now, James could tell by the light flush to his cheeks. Like it or not, they needed Snape's help, and the rule wasn't that far fetched anyway. He wanted a relationship before sex, so this rule simply insured that he would have it.

"Alright," James nodded. "Anything else?"

"You will not break up with him. I don't care what you feel; if your relationship ends it will be only because Regulus has decided to end it."

"That's easy to promise," James smiled. He had always known that Snape and Regulus were friends, but he had never known that it went this deep. It amused James to note that Snape was so similar to Sirius when Sirius was in big brother mode. Though, James hadn't seen Sirius in big brother mode for years.

"You will never lie to him."

James nodded. He didn't have anything to hide from Regulus anyway.

"Last: you will support any decision Regulus makes. Even if that decision is to get the Dark Mark."

James frowned. He could tell by the tone of Snape's voice that this was the most important of the rules, which made James realize just how much Regulus must be debating his future.

"I promise that I will support him, but I also promise that I will try and talk him out of it before he gets it. That is the best I can do," James closed his eyes.

"Good." Snape hesitated for only a moment, before stalking out of the room.

James stared after Snape for a moment. He suddenly wished that he could take back every insulting thing he had ever said to Snape. Closing his eyes, James realized that this would be harder than he thought. He had never really treated Regulus that bad…that was mostly Sirius's area. He had, however, been horrible to Snape, and that would be a hard habit to fall back into when he suddenly respected the Slytherin so much.

He had never expected this. Never expected to fall in love with a Slytherin and have another Slytherin accept it better than James's own friends. Even offer to help. James opened his eyes and smirked, wondering just what other surprises Slytherins had in store for him.


	15. Monsters

**A/N:** I'm contrasting Severus and Sirius here a little bit, since we've had two chapters that show exactly what Regulus and Severus's brotherly relationship is like. You shall now have a chapter showing the real brothers and their attitudes.

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There were a few things in life, Sirius found, that were easily ruined. Nice clothes, baking, and expensive drinks were some of those things. Mornings were another.

The mere sight of the first person Sirius saw in the great hall quickly destroyed what Snape hadn't managed to darken with his over-large nose. Regulus was loitering by the doorway, looking torn between going out and staying in. When Sirius entered, he took a few steps back so his back was against the wall.

"You," Sirius growled, and Regulus seemed to shrink back farther. He looked, Sirius realized dimly, like the cats he liked to chase so much as Padfoot. He knew from some rather painful experience that cornered cats did one of two things- ran for cover or scratched.

"What do you want?" Regulus asked, trying to look defiant. It didn't work, but then it never had. Sirius knew only to well that Regulus simply didn't have it in him to be defiant.

"Was about to ask you the same thing."

"Who are you, my keeper?"

Sirius said nothing to that. The correct answer was probably yes, but he'd forfeited the right long ago. "Why aren't you with your little pals, Regulus?"

"If you must know," he said, throwing his shoulders back and standing even straighter than should have been humanly possible, "I was just about to go look for Severus. He was right behind me when I entered the Great Hall, and then he vanished."

"I know where he is," Sirius said nonchalantly, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Ran into James and I on our way here."

Regulus's eyes narrowed visibly, "If you've done anything to him, Sirius, I swear I'll…"

"Hey! Don't get your underwear in a bunch we didn't do anything. In fact, he's the one that dragged James off to talk!" When had Regulus gotten to be so threatening? Better yet, when had he started to care about Snape?

Thinking back, Sirius realized that this was not new. Though not usually so upfront about it, Regulus had always pleaded with him to leave Snape alone. Sirius's eyes widened in realization before narrowing in disgust. "That's it isn't it? Why you really can't love James. You're in love with Snivellus?"

Regulus stared at him for a moment as though he'd gone completely insane, and then started to laugh. Some of the Gryffindors sitting at the nearest table turned to look at them, and Sirius felt his face getting very warm indeed, which soured his mood even further.

"Well," he demanded, "that's it, isn't it?"

"You're thicker than I thought," Regulus said, still grinning. "I can't be in love with Severus. He's my brother."

"He is not, I am!" Sirius didn't know what made him say that, and he really couldn't pin why it hurt that Regulus had said that. The whole conversation was giving a rather horrible sense of déjà vu.

He'd said something like this to Regulus before, years ago, about James. About how James had been and would always be the only brother **_he'd_** ever had. Is this what Regulus had felt then? Like a small and secret part of him had suddenly been forcibly dragged into the open and stabbed?

Regulus's eyes had narrowed and the grin vanished. "Brothers, as you so often remind me, care about each other. They stand up for each other, and help one another. They matter to each other. If I died tomorrow the only thought you'd spare me would be how nice it was of me to do that as it solves all your little problems."

Sirius stared at him, mouth hanging open, trying to decide which hurt worse- the fact that Regulus had said that or the fact that it was quite possibly true. Finding nothing to say in response, Sirius closed his mouth feeling rather like a goldfish.

Regulus wasn't standing against the wall any more, and in fact looked almost threatening as his blue eyes glittered out of his suddenly pale face. Had it been anyone but his little brother staring at him like that, Sirius might have been tempted to take a few steps back.

"Just because," Regulus said in a low voice, "you refuse to acknowledge my existence doesn't mean I stop existing, Sirius. You're not in charge of me. I don't give a damn what you think. I stopped listening to you long ago. It's not up to you to decide who my friends are- who my **_brother_** is. You can't decide who I love."

"I'm your brother, and I know what's best for you!" The protest sounded lame, even to Sirius, and something in Regulus seemed to break. His eyes went from shining with anger to the same dead look of yesterday.

"Try that again when you actually know who I am."

Pushing off the wall, Regulus made his way to the Slytherin table. Sirius could only stare after him numbly. What was that supposed to mean?

Of course he knew Regulus. He'd known the boy all his life, after all. He knew that Regulus was the exact little monster his parents had wanted him to be. Knew he was a cheater, a Slytherin, a Death Eater in training, and all those hundreds of other things Sirius loved to hate. He was a monster, a coward, and liar…

Except monsters didn't feel. Monsters didn't have friends. They certainly didn't have brothers.

Something his mother had told him long ago, the only thing she'd ever said that had stuck with him, came to his mind. He'd been five, and afraid of the monsters in his closet. She had taken him into her arms, they had been loving then, and told him that the monsters only existed for as long as he believed they were real.

_"You honestly think I don't want you see it? You think I didn't spend years looking for some kind of goodness in him? You think I WANT my brother to be a Death Eater?"_

"Maybe! Because then you can feel all noble. Then you can excuse that you left him when you ran away. Then you can feel like you are truly the only Black worth a damn!"

Lily's words echoed oddly in his head as he slumped into his seat between Remus and Peter- both of whom were pretending not to have heard what Regulus said.

Was she right? Had he spent all this time turning Regulus into a monster to avoid seeing what he'd done? To justify the way he had treated him?

Looking across the hall, Sirius could see Regulus sitting with the other Slytherins. Sitting with them…but not interacting with them. The seats on either side of him were empty, and they didn't talk to him. For the first time, Sirius wondered how lonely his brother must be.

What would it be like, to be in a house where they had expectations for you? Where you couldn't be sure who was your friend and who was using you? Where you had to prove you where worth something because being a human being wasn't worth a damn?

What was it like to know that you're older brother treated you the same way as everyone else?

Sirius wasn't hungry any more. He doubted he would ever be hungry again as long as the situation remained this clear. Regulus wasn't a monster. Sirius had made him one in order to avoid seeing the real monster. Himself.


	16. Unity

A/N: Here's chapter 16

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Lily stood up and left the Great Hall as Sirius sat down. The conversation between the brothers had given her a lot to think about, but before she could do that she had to thank someone.

Standing just outside the Great Hall doors, Lily didn't have to wait long before said person made their appearance.

"Snape?" Lily smiled. She could see in the Slytherin's eyes that he was frustrated. James had that effect on people. It took a special kind of personality to put up with him, and Snape just didn't have it.

"What do you need now, Evans?" Snape growled, obviously not in the mood to deal with another Gryffindor today.

"I just wanted to thank you," Lily smiled again. She could understand a little of why the Marauders picked on Snape so much; he was fun when he was frustrated. Still, they were wrong to treat him so poorly. Snape was a good guy at heart…he had to be, or he wouldn't have done this. Right?

It was hard to shake the feeling that the Slytherin was a Death Eater, however; and no Death Eaters were good. Lily pushed the thought aside. She didn't know Snape's story, and she had no right to judge anyone. The point was that Snape couldn't be as bad as everyone thought, not when he so obviously cared about Regulus. Lily had heard what Regulus said about Snape being his brother, and she knew that the boy wouldn't have said it unless he truly trusted Snape.

"I heard Sirius say that you were having a talk with James," Lily continued at Snape's raised eyebrow. Honestly, couldn't the bloke just speak? Why did most of his conversing have to be done through body language? "And I had a feeling that it was about what we discussed yesterday."

Snape stared at Lily for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally he nodded and moved to walk past the girl.

Lily stepped to the side so she was in front of Snape again. "Listen, if there's ever anything I can do for you…"

"There is no need for that. I did this for Regulus, not for you," Snape folded his arms across his chest when Lily still didn't move.

"Whatever the reason, I still appreciate it," Lily gave the Slytherin a shy smile. "And if you ever need anything, just ask. It's not that I feel I owe you or anything," Lily said quickly, seeing the look in Snape's eyes. "It's just…you're my friend, and friends do things to help each other out."

Before she walked away, Lily stood on her tiptoes and gave Severus a light kiss on the cheek.

She moved back and toward the stairs quickly, hoping that she hadn't been out of line. She knew that she was a very tactile person, always needing to touch and be touched, and she knew that it sometimes made people uncomfortable. Snape seemed like the kind of person who would be uncomfortable with physical contact, but she couldn't stop herself. She had needed him to know that she meant what she had said.

Lily smiled to herself as she reached her dorm room. Everyone else was at breakfast still, and she had about ten minutes before she needed to head for class. The red-head laid down on her bed and hugged her pillow, trying to figure out what it was that was making her so happy.

After the overheard conversation with Sirius and Regulus, she should really be upset. She should be upset that it looked as though Regulus and James would be getting together after all. She should be nervous about the danger that the boys would be in.

Instead, she was smiling. Smiling because she was starting to see things so differently than she ever had before. She was starting to see that maybe the world wasn't as bad as it seemed right now. If she could have been so wrong about Snape and Regulus, maybe there was a chance that other Death Eaters were decent. Maybe there was a hope that this war wouldn't be as dark as she had thought. Maybe the light of hope really could penetrate the darkness.

Lily picked up her bag and pulled out a sketch pad. Recently, all of her art had been depressing. She lived out her fears in her sketches, hoping that by drawing them she could lessen the pain should any of them come true. She glanced at the drawing she had done yesterday afternoon. It was of James holding Regulus, the Dark Mark shining on both their arms.

Flipping to a blank page, Lily picked up a pencil. She didn't know what she was going to draw, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that, for the first time in almost two years, she felt as though there was hope that they could win this war. More than that, though. She felt like she could face the darkness, and survive.

For the first time since the war had started, she wasn't afraid. She wasn't afraid for her family, or her friends, or herself. She wasn't afraid for her unborn children, or her future. She was strong, and knew that she could survive. Things were going to be all right in the end.

Looking down at her sketch, Lily smiled at the phoenix who was staring back at her with powerful and majestic eyes. Behind the phoenix was the Hogwart's seal, only it was different. Instead of being a shield with all the houses separated and surrounding the letter H, it was a half unrolled parchment with the animals at the bottom and the H shining like the sun above them.

The animals caught her attention especially. The lion was behind and above the smaller animals, protecting them. The eagle was perched beside the badger, watching for danger. The badger was glaring, hackles raised, daring others to threaten his friends. Barely visible beside the larger animals, the snake was wrapped around the lions paw. At first glance, it looked as though it was attacking the lion, but Lily knew the truth. The snake was merely protecting his friend in the only way he could, by hiding and waiting for the moment to attack any who got too close.

Lily smiled. This is how it should be, how they should be. Unified together, they were an unbeatable army. Unified, they could stand against anything.


	17. Of Love and Such

**A/N:** I know, I'm sorry; Peter will get his next turn next time. I promise!

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Severus stood, rooted to the spot. Had she just _kissed_ him? Had **_she_** just kissed **_him_**? Black eyes wide, he shook his head slowly as if trying to wake himself from a dream. She was Potter's girl…except that Potter had no girl. Potter had Regulus.

Even so, she wouldn't kiss him surely! She hated him and everything he stood for. She wouldn't have kissed him to save her own life.

'Except,' the annoyingly optimistic voice in his head that for some reason sounded like Regulus said, 'she did kiss you. She kissed you and she wasn't revolted at all. She didn't call you greasy even!'

"So, the great Severus Snape falls at the touch of a muggle born's unworthy lips."

Severus turned sharply, wand out and ready to hex whoever had dared to call Lily's lips unworthy. He found his wand tip pointing directly at Regulus's head. He sighed and lowered it as Regulus laughed.

"And you tell me I put myself in dangerous situations!"

"I did not put myself in that situation, Black, so don't start with me."

"Well, you weren't exactly protesting were you?"

For once at a loss for even a sarcastic come back, Severus started off in the direction of his first class. Much to his annoyance, Regulus followed.

"Is she the one? The one you told me about yesterday."

"I never told you about anything yesterday."

"Okay, fine, be technical. The one you said you'd do anything for."

"What I did today was for you, not her, just so you know."

"Appreciate it…what exactly did you do?"

"Establish a few ground rules with Potter."

Regulus froze, and Severus was most of the way down the next corridor before he managed to catch up. "For the love of Salazar Slytherin please tell me you didn't, Severus!"

"Someone has to look after you since you fail at it rather spectacularly."

"You could have at least let me tell him I **_liked_** him first!" Regulus protested.

"I thought you'd already taken that luxury, though by his reaction I take it not. You really should be thanking me. Bearing one's heart is not something as easily done as the inexperienced think it is." Not that he would know, he'd never done it. Still, it sounded wise.

A grin so similar to that of Sirius appeared on Regulus's face just then that Severus was tempted to stupefy him in advance. Whatever had just occurred to that Black mind of his certainly didn't bode well for Severus Snape with a look like that.

Regulus shrugged, his face schooled into near indifference that would have fooled anyone but Severus. "Well then, I guess it would be alright of me to tell Evans how **_you_** feel."

Regulus quickly found himself pinned against the wall by Severus holding the back of his robes and pushing him there. Admittedly, Severus was just as surprised by this development as Regulus was, but while he had his attention…

"Don't you dare, you hear me? Don't you even think about doing it or so help me you'll find out all the extremely uncomfortable places a broomstick can go."

"Ow, Merlin, I was kidding!" Regulus tried to jerk away, but the position was awkward and he nearly fell. Severus let go of his robes, enjoying slightly the sound of Regulus's yelp as he fell to the floor. Although he felt a little bad about his head bouncing off the floor. Only a little though, so he could ignore it.

Once assured that Regulus was conscious by his sitting up and rubbing his forehead, Severus turned and continued walking. He had thought that to be the end of it, and was more than a little surprised and annoyed when he heard footsteps following him. He slowed down automatically for Regulus to catch up, cursing himself as he did so.

"Does nothing penetrate that thick skull of yours, Black?"

"Not really." Regulus had caught up now, and he appeared none the worse for wear if one ignored the red bump that was appearing under the hand pressed against his forehead. Severus felt his guilt increase to a no longer ignorable level, but Regulus seemed unbothered by it. Severus supposed being dropped on the floor was nothing compared to some of Sirius's bludgers, but still the fact that he had done it bothered him.

"You're really serious about her, aren't you?" Regulus said after a minute.

"You're first clue was…"

"The wall, actually."

If he had been the laughing type, Severus probably would have chuckled then. Instead he simply raised his eyebrow, knowing that Regulus would get the message. Regulus grinned at him, his one visible blue eye reflecting his laughter.

His eyes were the one give away to his feelings that Severus had never managed to teach out of him. Six years in Slytherin has taught the younger boy to make masks for himself, and how to wear them according to the situation. He'd become so good he could even fool his cousin Andromeda, who was normal spectacular at reading people.

The one thing he couldn't change were those startling blue eyes of his. Where every other Black Severus had ever known had eyes some variant of the color slate, Regulus's eyes reminded him of the lake in the summer time. They were just as blue and certainly just as clear a reflection of what the boy was actually thinking.

"Do you need me to go over a few rules for you, Severus?" Regulus teased gently as they neared Slughorn's classroom.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Transfiguration, actually." Regulus said, grinning now. They stopped at the door, and Regulus removed his left hand from his forehead to reach into his robes. Now Severus could see the full extend of the damage the floor had done and he winced. Regulus didn't seem to notice.

Instead, the younger Slytherin pulled out a slightly smashed banana nut bread muffin- Severus's favorite breakfast. "I got this for you. I'll have you know that it was a perfectly fine muffin until I had a close encounter with some stone."

Severus took the muffin appreciatively, but made his face into a rather stern expression. "Did you learn your lesson about threatening people with dangerous things?"

Regulus nodded, his face solemn but his blasted eyes dancing with delight. "Yes, Severus, I think I did. A painful one at that."

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Severus grabbed Regulus's sleeve and jerked him toward him. Pulling out his wand and resting the tip of it against the goose egg on the younger boy's forehead, he quickly muttered the spell that would fix it.

Rubbing his once again perfectly smooth forehead, Regulus grinned again. "Thanks, Severus."

"Don't mention it. To anyone. Ever."

Regulus shook his head, sending loose black strands flying. "Don't worry, I won't. _He_ already thinks I'm in love with you."

"He what?" Severus asked in shock just as the bell rang. Instead of answering, Regulus took off running and laughing. Severus scowled, shuffling into the N.E.W.T. potion class and wondering why he had to care so much.


	18. Potions

A/N: This chapter was pathetically hard to write, so if you don't like it I don't care. It took effort and I like it. . ;

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Remus entered the potions classroom. Why did the one class he was appalling at have to be with the Slytherins? Sitting down, Remus gave a silent prayer that Lily would be his partner today. Aside from Severus, Lily was undeniably the best student in the class.

When Lily entered the room and, thankfully, sat down beside him, Remus immediately noticed two things about her. The first was that she had a smudge of charcoal across her left cheek. The second was that she had a light in her eyes that Remus hadn't seen in some time. A light that he had feared he wouldn't be seeing again after James had told her he was in love with Regulus.

"What's made you so cheerful?" Remus asked, setting up his cauldron.

He was a bit upset to see that Snape was setting up right behind them. Hopefully Snape would find it in his heart not to torment Remus on his potions skills. Snape had made it a habit of asking how Remus got into the N.E.W.T. potions class at least once a week, and Remus wasn't in the mood to hear it. Honestly, Remus was amazed that he made it himself, but he chalked it up to good study habits, lots of tutoring from Lily, and pure dumb luck.

He still wished he knew why he had taken the class, instead of just being happy with his passing the O.W.L. test. James, Sirius, and Peter had all laughed at him for it. James and Sirius wanted to be Aurors, and so needed the class. Peter had taken Muggle Studies instead. Lily needed the class for her Healer's license. Him? He wished he had taken Muggle Studies with Peter, but he just couldn't admit defeat with the class.

"Nothing particular," Lily shrugged, pulling her supplies from her bag. "Just in a good mood, I guess."

Remus smiled, "Good. You've been rather out of it, lately. It's good to see you smile like that again."

Lily laughed, "It feels good to smile like this again."

Behind them, Remus heard Snape moving around. Lily's smile grew as she too picked up the noise, and Remus wondered if Snape was the cause of the girl's sudden happiness. Remus remembered all too well the scene that had taken place by the lake, and the fact the Snape had talked to James this morning.

He had considered for a while now that Snape might fancy Lily. The Slytherin had always watched her, and he had been on better terms with her than any other Gryffindors. He had also always seemed particularly embarrassed when Lily was around to watch the Marauders torment him. Add in resent events, and it all pointed to the same thing. Severus had feelings for Lily.

Remus looked at Lily out of the corner of his eyes and wondered if Lily might be starting to feel something for Snape as well. She really did deserve to be happy, but Remus wasn't sure that he trusted Snape with her heart. Still, Lily needed someone to take her mind off of James.

"Why don't you come sit with us, Severus?" Remus asked, turning around. "You always sit back there by yourself, and this table is plenty big enough for three."

"I refuse to help a lost cause with your potion brewing," Snape continued to set up his supplies.

"You don't need to," Remus shrugged, picking up Severus's supplies and moving them to the empty seat beside Lily. He ignored the glare Snape was giving him. "Lily will help me with the potion."

"I do not want to be within exploding range when you ignite your potion," Snape growled, trying to keep Remus from moving any more of his things.

"Oh, come on Severus, Remus hasn't blown up a cauldron since last year," Lily picked that moment to help Remus relocate the disgruntled Slytherin.

Snape sighed in defeat, and allowed himself to be pulled into the seat at their table. Remus smiled, deciding that Lily had picked a wonderful time to call Snape by his first name. Remus was not blind enough not to have noticed how the Slytherin's eyes widened at that.

Remus opened his book and turned to the appropriate page just as Slughorn entered the class. James entered a moment later, followed by a rather depressed Sirius. James shot Remus a curious look when he saw that Snape was sitting at their table, but Sirius didn't seem to notice anything. Sirius's eyes were focused inward and James had to lead the boy to the empty table across the room by the wrist.

Trying not to worry about something that he couldn't fix while stuck in class, Remus focused on Slughorn's lecture. After about ten minutes of lecture, Remus began to chop the ingredients for the rather difficult potion which had been assigned. Of course, every potion was difficult to Remus, but the Babbling Beverage sounded particularly hard.

Twenty minutes into the lesson, Remus's potion was a light green rather than the dirt brown of Lily's and Snape's.

"So…" Remus started, not sure what to say but willing to say anything to take his mind off the fact that he was currently meshing a small bowl full of black beetle eyes. "How are things in Slytherin?"

Okay, that was decidedly pathetic.

"Pay attention to what you are doing, Remus. You are supposed to be turning the beetle eyes into a thick broth, not liquidizing them," Lily lifted Remus's hands away from his bowl.

Remus felt his stomach sink, "That is disgusting, Lily."

"It's just potion ingredients," Lily laughed. "It's not like they are human eyes or anything."

"Lily," Remus groaned, "I really didn't need to hear that."

"You have no stomach for potions, Lupin. I don't understand why you bothered taking the class this year." Well, it was more polite than Snape's usual taunting.

"Believe me, neither do I." Remus emptied his bowl into the cauldron and watched the potion change blue.

"You do seem to find rather interesting ways of messing your potions up," Lily laughed again, studying the now frothing potion.

"I hate this class," Remus sighed. Maybe the shredded daisy roots would turn it back to something resembling the murky brown it was supposed to be. At least shredding the roots didn't make Remus feel the need to vomit.

"Potions is a fine art," Lily shook her head, "you just don't know how to appreciate the beauty of it."

Remus noticed that Snape was staring at Lily, and gave a mental smile. Maybe those two weren't so bad for each other. They certainly seemed to have more in common than Lily and James had.

Remus dumped the daisy roots into the cauldron and turned up the heat. He began to stir it clockwise, counting each time. After seven, Remus lay down the ladle and let the potion sit. It was supposed to simmer for ten minutes before it would turn clear and could be bottled and handed in.

Remus sighed, "I really don't think this is going to turn clear."

"I doubt it," Snape shook his head. "You can follow directions in every class but this one, why is that?"

"The book hates me," Remus glared at his potion book. "I think that the directions change while I brew the potion and change back later just to spite me."

Lily laughed and Snape raised an eyebrow. Well, at least his bad luck amused someone.


	19. Friend in Need

**A/N:** Hey look! I have a plan for this chapter! Whee!

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Peter was sitting on the couch working on his essay for Muggle Studies- which really meant doodling on the parchment that had the essay title on it- when his three best friends came into the Common Room from their potions class.

Sirius, it seemed, had not improved since breakfast. Remus had left just as James had come in, to find Sirius was not only silent but also completely unresponsive to everything from jokes to being hit on the head with his Advanced Potions textbook.

"I think someone has Oblivated his memory," James said as he forced Sirius to sit down. Remus was kneeling in front of Sirius, checking his eyes, temperature, and pulse.

"When, though? I mean, he was okay when I left. Kind of."

"Not really," Peter piped in. He'd moved to the arm of the couch to give them more room to work. "He wasn't okay after he and Regulus fought."

"He and Regulus had a fight?" James asked sharply, and Peter could see Remus scowling at him over James's head. Remus had tried to convince Peter that it was best if James didn't know that Sirius and Regulus had been fighting, but he honestly couldn't see why. They'd never kept secrets from each other before, so why start now?

"Yeah, while you were talking to Snivellus."

"We've decided not to call him that anymore," Remus informed Peter. Peter blinked.

"Okay. That's random."

"Not really, but I'll explain later."

"Right. So, anyway, while you were talking to Snape, Sirius came in and cornered Regulus. Which isn't unusual, except this time Regulus fought back. I thought he'd gone crazy."

"What did he say? Exactly, I mean."

"How am I supposed to remember? I was ignoring it." Peter responded with a snort.

"Very helpful of you, Wormtail."

"I thought it was."

"He said," Remus stated, now resting his wrist against Sirius's forehead, "that Snape was his brother. I don't remember anything else James- so don't bother asking- except the last thing he said. Sirius had said that he was Regulus's brother and he knew what was best for him. Regulus told him to come back when he actually knew him."

"Don't know…" Sirius mumbled. The other three stared at him.

"Well…" Peter said slowly. "That was something."

"Not much," Remus said, removing his hand from Sirius's forehead.

"What don't you know, Padfoot?" James asked quietly.

"Don't know…own brother…my fault…"

"Think he's in shock?" Peter asked timidly, sliding of the armrest to sit on the couch proper.

"Seems to be." James answered, standing up and looking into Sirius's eyes.

"Should we take him to Madame Pomphrey?"

"It's a self induced shock," Remus said, standing up beside James. "There's nothing she can do. He just doesn't want to face reality."

That was something Peter could relate to, and he sat up on his knees to look at Sirius's eerily blank face. "He has to eventually. Reality has a rather nasty way of biting you in the ass."

"Well put," Remus said cynically. "Not sure how to make it bite Sirius now though."

"Can I slam his head in the door?"

"No, Prongs, I don't think that would help."

"Neither do I, I just thought it would be fun."

"Prongs!"

"Only joking, Moony." James grinned, and Peter was quite sure he hadn't been. James had gone from being the party to blame to being, at least partially, the victim in his own mind. Which was fine, as far as Peter was concerned, and probably somewhat accurate as well.

"Any other brilliant ideas then?" Remus asked, leaning against the couch now.

"We could try throwing him in a tub of green Jell-O."

"Jell-O?"

"It's an American thing. Don't ask. What about cold water?"

"I don't think it would work. We dropped him on the way here and it didn't even faze him. He's just…shut down."

"Anyone got an energy raising solution?"

"The last thing we need is a Padfoot with lots of energy. Remember the twenty sugar quills incident of year three."

"Oh yeah. Bugger."

Peter sighed, shaking his head. Were they both really so blind they couldn't see the answer dancing under their noses. Crawling over, Peter sat right by Sirius side and looked at him.

"Padfoot, it isn't your fault."

"Is to."

James and Remus were staring at him now, but he didn't care. As much as Padfoot irked him sometimes, he didn't like seeing him in his current state either.

"No it isn't, Padfoot. You couldn't do any more for Regulus then you did, so stop blaming yourself. It doesn't…it doesn't help. It won't bring Regulus back from where he is now. It didn't bring my dad back to life…"

Peter heard Remus gasp, but he ignored it as Sirius's eyes slid back into focus.

"What did you say?" He asked hoarsely.

This wasn't exactly how he'd planned on telling them, but it worked apparently. Peter sighed, falling back on the couch. "Blaming yourself doesn't change anything. Even if your right…probably especially when you're right…it doesn't matter. Regulus will still be where he's at. My dad is still dead."

Silence fell over the four of them, and Peter continued to stare at the ceiling.


	20. Brothers

A/N: This chapter was amazingly difficult to write without putting Remus/Sirius hints in it…but I think that I accomplished it. This is not a Remus/Sirius fic, so I hope I accomplished it

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Remus placed a hand on Peter's shoulder, "Why didn't you tell us?" He hated thinking that Peter was going through that sort of pain, and none of them had noticed.

Peter shrugged, "There was a lot about it that I had to accept before I told anyone."

"Pete," Sirius looked up at him, and Remus was relieved to note that the boy's eyes were no longer blank.

"Don't worry about me," Peter smiled sadly, "I'm okay for now. You need to know though. Blaming yourself doesn't solve anything. It only makes it worse."

Remus was torn. He knew that they needed to talk to Peter about everything that he was feeling, but now wasn't the time. Right now, they needed to say something to keep Sirius with them, and maybe to patch the relationship between the brothers. If anything was going to work out with James and Regulus, then they needed Sirius to accept it. Besides that, Sirius just needed his brother back.

"He's right, Siri," Remus sat down beside his friend. "Blaming yourself doesn't help. If you really feel bad, then do something about it. Get to know him again."

"I don't know if he'll let me," Sirius sighed, "I don't even know how to start."

"You start," James smiled, "by talking to him. Not fighting, just talking. Then you go from there. Follow your heart."

"Just be yourself," Remus continued, silently thanking James for speaking up. He knew that James still felt a little victimized for the way Sirius treated him after James admitted to loving Regulus. He was just glad that James was a big enough person to put that aside when his friend needed him.

"What if I can't," Sirius whispered, looking at his hands. "He hates me. Myself isn't good enough."

"He doesn't hate you," James sighed, "he is just…I think he misses you; the way you used to be with each other."

"He said…Snape is his brother now. Said that if he died tomorrow, I wouldn't care. I would be happy that all my problems were solved. I think he was right."

Remus's jaw dropped. He had always known that things were bad between the two Blacks, but he had never thought that they were that bad. Sirius was so loyal and caring, Remus always imagined that Sirius cared for his brother deep down. What Sirius was saying, didn't fit his image of his friend at all.

James sat down on the carpet in front of the fire, and Remus worried about the bespectacled boy's reaction to Sirius's last words.

"He was right," Peter whispered, "That doesn't mean he still is. The way you see him has changed, and you've changed. Maybe there's still a chance, if you try."

"He did tell you to go back to him when you knew him," Remus nodded. Sirius needed to believe that there was hope, because he wouldn't try if he thought it was useless. "Maybe that's his way of saying that he wants you to know him."

James sighed, "I love you Padfoot, but you are a git."

"James!" Remus turned sharply to his friend. That was the last thing that Sirius needed right now.

"Well, do you honestly think it will help to sit here molly-coddling him?" James glared at them all. "The fact is that he messed up. Regardless of what Regulus wants or doesn't want, you," James poked Sirius in the chest, and Remus saw Sirius flinch, "need to apologize. It's your move. You can sit here and talk about how you don't know what he wants or if it's too late, but that doesn't matter. All you are doing is looking for pity and I won't give it to you. Apologize and take your chances or lose him forever."

"I…" Sirius looked at the ground. "I don't know if I can."

"Then you don't deserve him," James glared. "Maybe Snape should have been his brother. Snape at least accepts him."

Sirius's head snapped up to look, shocked, at James. Remus sighed, not knowing whether or not to break this up. James's words were right, but they were harsh and Remus was afraid that they would be the last straw that would break Sirius. Remus stayed silent, they had to chance it.

"Snape hates me more than anyone," James shook his head, "but he still told Regulus to be with me; because he cares about Regulus, and doesn't want to see him hurting. He even came to me and gave me ground rules to dating Regulus. He did everything a brother should do. You just sit here pitying yourself."

Remus looked at Peter, then back to Sirius. He had seen a little of the Severus behind the mask, and even he was shocked to hear how far Snape had gone for Regulus. He couldn't imagine what Peter and Sirius had to be thinking.

"He…" Sirius seemed to wilt right in front of them, "Regulus deserves that. He deserves better than me."

James stood up, "Yes, he does. But you are his brother, and you need each other. I'm going to lunch. Either do something about this, or sit here. I'm sick of listening to you, though."

"James," Sirius whispered, head falling in his hands when James didn't stop. "I'm sorry." Sirius yelled as James closed the portrait hole behind him.

"Then do something about it," Peter said quietly.

Remus wondered how much effort it took Peter to say that. Peter wasn't the type to pick sides, but he had always seemed closer to James than to any of the rest of them.

Sirius stood up, nodding. "Will you…come with me?"

"To the end of the earth and back," Remus smiled. It was something that they used to say before pranks when they were first years. If one got in trouble, the others would follow. Friends forever, and through everything. Right now, they needed reminding of that vow.

Sirius smiled and stood. "I don't think I could do this on my own."

"You don't have to," Peter smiled.

"You'll always have us," Remus said, leading the way to the portrait hole.

The three boys headed out, stopping in their tracks right outside the entrance. James was leaning against the wall, smiling.

"Didn't think I'd really leave, did you?" James winked, "Though I thought about it, you kept me waiting long enough."

Remus laughed. They really would be alright. James slung an arm around Sirius's shoulder, and started down the hall with them.

"You guys are the only brothers I've ever had," James smiled, "and I would be a hypocrite if I left you now."

Yes, they were brothers. Now they just had to go and see about adding a couple of Slytherins to their family.


	21. Sickness

**A/N:** Um…I have nothing to say about this, actually.

* * *

As Regulus struggled up the hill behind Rabastan and Barty, he decided that he really needed to stop wandering around when he needed to think. Either that or he really needed to learn to bring his snow gear with him.

After everything that had happened yesterday, he had had far too many questions to answer for himself. Questions about how he truly felt, and whether or not he could really pull this off. As was his habit, he had wandered first the castle, and when that didn't help sought inspiration from the open sky.

It had led him to wandering the snowy grounds from twilight to nearly pre-dawn, when his fingers and legs had become too stiff for movement. It was also most of the reason Severus had told him about James's disappearance so late. He'd been surprised to find the older Slytherin still awake when he'd stumbled in a few hours later. He had gone to sleep for a few hours, only to wake up and discover he felt like he'd come off worse in a fight with an angry Veela, but had tried to ignore it in light of later things.

His head had felt as if it weighed more than all the rest of him, he had difficultly breathing, and to top it off had developed a rather nasty cough. If he'd known going to bed was going to do that to him, he wouldn't have slept at all. Ever.

Breakfast, he supposed, had gone the way it had because he was feeling so ill and trying to hide it. He hadn't meant to say those things to Sirius, even if had meant them.

He reached the Entrance Hall quite out of breath and coughing horribly in spite of all his efforts to contain it. In fact, the more he tried not to cough the worse he seemed to get.

As Regulus nearly tripped over the steps leading into the castle, he wondered if it wouldn't have been better to just go to bed after Transfiguration. Though achy, he hadn't felt quite so badly then. Only now, after Herbology, was he feeling so awful he had to lean against the wall the minute he was inside.

"Reg? You okay?" Rabastan asked. Regulus couldn't find his voice to answer. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to force air into his lungs.

"Of course he's not, you idiot," he heard Barty snap, and the weight of a hand on his shoulder. "Regulus, you need us to get someone?"

Regulus didn't answer. He opened his eyes momentarily, closed them again, and then felt the world suddenly tip beneath his feet.

Everything was mercifully silent for a while, he couldn't have said how long, before muttering voices invaded his ears.

"Completely irresponsible…should have been in bed…skin you both alive if he…"

Regulus groaned and opened his eyes. He immediately wished he hadn't as the world began to spin. Rolling over onto his hands and knees- someone was holding him though he hadn't seen whom- he began to throw up. A part of him realized how embarrassing this was, but he couldn't be completely sure he cared.

"That's so gross!" He heard Rabastan cry from somewhere to his left.

"Grow up LeStrange," a voice next to Regulus snapped. He recognized it now as Severus's. 'Shit.'

Regulus coughed again, and spit onto the ground. That really was a disgusting thing to do. He heard air rushing from a wand being waved and knew that Severus had cleaned it up, even as a hand was placed on his back.

"You done?" Severus's voice sounded concerned, and Regulus was now officially worried about his state of health. If Severus wasn't even bothering to mask his worry he was definitely sicker than he'd originally thought. He could only nod weakly, in any case, in response to the question.

Much to Regulus's surprise, Severus's next action was to pick him up. He'd simply reached over and rolled him back into his arms, then slid one arm behind his back and the other under his knees before standing up.

"Severus!" Regulus's exclamation sounded weak even in his own ears, and he winced. "Put me down."

"You are in no condition to walk. You're burning up, are dehydrated, and who knows what else is wrong with you. You should have stayed in bed, and so help me if you've done any permanent damage…"

Regulus laughed in spite of himself, and immediately wished he hadn't as he was immediately taken by another coughing fit that left him dizzy and breathless.

Severus had stopped during all this, and was now looking down at him somewhat warily. "You will warn me if you are going to throw up, won't you?"

Regulus nodded weakly, resting his head against Severus's shoulder and closing his eyes. It was somewhat comforting, he found, to feel this protected as Severus walked threateningly down the hallways and snapped at any who dared get in his way. He would have laughed if he'd felt up to it. As it was, most of his energy had been spent teasing Severus about Lily earlier.

The sound of several pairs of feet coming toward them and Severus suddenly freezing made Regulus open his eyes. He could make out Sirius and his friends standing in their way. He lifted his head to see if James was with them and immediately wished he hadn't.

"Move, Black," Severus said tersely, and Regulus could feel his hands tightening around him almost imperceptibly.

"What's all this then?" Sirius asked angrily.

"Is he alright?"

James's voice that time. Regulus moved his head to see and the world spun violently.

"Gonna' be sick," he managed to mutter. Severus acted quickly, setting him on the ground just in time for him to begin vomiting again. Having no food left to throw up, it was most definitely worse this time.

"Oh, yuck," he heard one of Sirius's friends, Peter he thought, mutter.

"Does he look alright to you, Potter?" Severus snapped, and Regulus heard him wave his wand again to clean up the mess even as Regulus himself remained kneeling on the ground gasping for breath. "He's sick. I'm taking him to Madame Pomphrey."

"How sick is he?"

"Do I look like a healer, Black? All I know is he's sick enough to need her attention."

"Still here…" Regulus protested weakly, trying to get up. He did **_not_** want to look weak in front of James. Instead he found himself on the ground again, blinking at the shoes of the Gryffindors. He felt Severus's arms wrap around him again to pick him up, and this time he didn't bother to protest. This time walking was most certainly not an option.

"We'll come with you." James whispered.

Personally, Regulus wasn't sure what to think of the idea. On the one hand, he was glad that James cared enough. On the other hand, this wasn't exactly an ideal situation for his pride.

Severus had tensed at that statement, but he seemed to recognize that he had no say in the matter. Very little say, anyway, as he relaxed after a moment and shifted Regulus so that his head was now against Severus's shoulder. "You and Black may accompany us. If _they_ come, however, it will look suspicious."

Regulus could hear some hurried whispering, and apparently one of them must have given the affirimtive as Severus started moving again.

"Do try not to slow us down."


	22. Bedside Visiting

A/N: Sorry that this chapter took so long. I had a lot of work to catch up on at school for taking a week off when I was sick…not to mention finals coming up and my Hikari distracting me over Thanksgiving. But here it is, finally.

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James walked quickly, making sure that he never fell behind Snape. A part of him wanted to pull Regulus out of Snape's arms and hold the youngest Black close to himself, but he knew that it was not an option. They couldn't let anyone know just how much James cared for Regulus, but not being able to comfort the boy he loved when Regulus needed it was heartbreaking.

James sighed, not even sure that Regulus would want him to comfort him. Snape had said that Regulus returned his feelings…but how could he be sure? Maybe it was all a game and Snape was trying to get even for every prank the Marauders had ever pulled on him? James forced the thought to the back of his mind. Prank or not, he still cared for Regulus, and Regulus was horribly sick right now.

Reaching the Hospital Wing, James ran and knocked on Madam Pomfrey's office door. He watched, out of the corner of his eyes, as Snape gently laid Regulus down on a bed and brushed hair out of the younger boy's eyes. Sirius seemed torn between glaring at Snape suspiciously, and looking worriedly at Regulus. James wondered what was behind Sirius's glare.

"Yes? Oh, dear," Madam Pomfrey said as she opened the door and saw her patient. She quickly hurried to Regulus's bedside, and began checking him over.

James bit his lip, feeling useless. He desperately wanted, needed, to do something to help the Slytherin, but he didn't know what to do. Staying out of the nurse's way seemed like the only option at the moment, and that was not at all an easy task when James's heart was screaming at him to crawl into Regulus's bed and pull the smaller boy into his arms. Which was not something that he should even imagine doing without knowing exactly how Regulus felt about him.

Sirius put a hand on James's shoulder, and James smiled slightly. He had spent so long hiding his feelings for Regulus from everyone, but right now he was sure that anyone could read his helplessness a mile away. Why was it that it was harder to hide your feelings when there was a chance that they were returned? That was dangerous, and something he would clearly need to work on. He refused to put Regulus into any more danger than was absolutely necessary.

"I gave him a potion that should settle his stomach as well as re-hydrate him," Madam Pomfrey said finally, "It has, however, put him into a deep sleep; so I suggest you all go about your business."

"If it won't do any harm, I'd…we'd prefer to stay," Snape was glaring at the nurse, and James smiled inwardly. A battle of the wits between Snape and Pomfrey would be amusing if it weren't for the fact that the outcome would decide whether or not he was allowed to stay with Regulus.

"It won't do any harm, but it won't do any good either. Honestly, what is the point of visiting a sleeping patient?" Pomfrey glared right back, and James remembered the furious fight the Marauders had with the nurse to let them visit Remus after the full moon each month. Pomfrey cared deeply about every patient she had, but she honestly didn't see the benefit of having visitors.

"That is our business. We're staying," Sirius pushed past the nurse and conjured an armchair for himself. James and Snape quickly followed suit and Madam Pomfrey huffed but let them stay. She knew a futile cause when she saw one.

After the nurse had left, the three boys sat in awkward silence. Maybe staying had been an idiotic idea after all, but James wanted to be there when Regulus woke.

"I was under the impression that you couldn't care less about your brother," Snape sneered at Sirius, "Why the sudden change of heart?"

James watched as Sirius stiffened, "What do you care?"

"About you or your emotions, I don't," Snape's sneer turned to a cold glare, "But if you are just here to fight with Regulus when he wakes up, then I'd advise you to leave." There was no mistaking the silent threat behind the Slytherin's words.

"_Nobody_ is going to be fighting," James looked at both boys, making sure that each of them would behave. Both boys looked back at him defiantly. "We are all here for Regulus, because we care about him. So show it by at least being civil for a day."

James glared at Sirius. He had thought that Sirius had wanted to apologize and try and make things better with Regulus. How could Sirius do that if he was fighting with the one person that had always been there for Regulus? James guessed that Sirius's little epiphany didn't include that Snape might not be as bad as they always thought. Hadn't he listened when James had told Sirius what Snape had done for him and Regulus? Stupid git.

"Just because I want to make up with Regulus, doesn't mean that I'm going to welcome Snape into the family with open arms." Sirius, it seemed, could read minds.

"Sirius," James sighed, and was about to continue when Snape cut in.

"I don't want to be apart of your little 'family.' I don't want to be apart of anything that includes someone who abandons their brother."

"I…You…He…" Sirius was fuming.

"Very good, now how about trying for complete sentences? Think your brain can handle that?"

"Enough," James glared at them both. "Sirius, you are here because you wanted to try and fix things with Regulus. Snape is a part of Regulus's life, and probably always will be, so learn to deal with that. Snape…Sirius has done a lot of things that he regrets. You of all people should understand how that feels," here, James's eyes flashed to Snape's left forearm. They didn't know for certain that Snape was a Death Eater, but even if he wasn't the not-so-subtle hint would remind Snape of everything that he had done that followed their beliefs. After the conversation in the classroom earlier, however, James was pretty sure that Snape was a Death Eater. "Just…shut up if you can't be civil."

No one said anything for a long time after, and James mentally patted himself on the back for a job well-done. Apparently, he needed to yell at people more often to get anything through their thick skulls.

"How is he?"

The three boys turned as they heard the quiet question. Lily was walking over to them, looking worried.

"Sleeping, but looking a lot better," James smiled, "What are you doing here?"

"There were rumors going around that Regulus was in the hospital wing with Sirius Black, James Potter, and Severus Snape. The Slytherins are betting on who will make it out alive. I decided that having a prefect here would be a good explanation as to why no bodily harm had been done." Lily's eyes narrowed as she took in the tension between the three, "No bodily harm has been done, has it?"

James snickered, "Close calls, but no blood has been shed yet."

Lily shook her head, smiling bemusedly, "Boys. You all think with your crotch and talk with your fists…or wands, I guess, as your wizards."

"So, wanna join us then?" James winked and conjured up a chair.

Lily laughed and took the seat between Sirius and Snape, "Why not?"

James smiled. What a group of bedside visitors they made. Two of them wanted to kill each other and would probably both settle for killing him at the moment, and the other two were still trying to figure out where they stood after that kiss and confession that James fancied Regulus, not Lily. Yes, this wouldn't be awkward at all for Regulus when he woke up.


	23. Awkward

**A/N:** Um...Yay for Sev chapters?

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Severus noticed right away when Regulus began to wake up. He knew every mannerism of the younger boy, and characteristically his eye twitched in protest once he'd decided to awaken.

It was late in the afternoon by now. Severus had long ago pulled out his Potions book to read, while Evans had curled up in her chair to take a nap. Sirius was building a tower with some exploding Snap cards. Severus secretly hoped he would burn his eyebrows off, but he wasn't really his concern.

No, Severus's concern was Potter. The current Head Boy had not moved for the last hour. His hazel eyes had barely even blinked, instead focusing almost solely on Regulus's face. If he could have thought of a diplomatic way to ask Potter what he was thinking, Severus surely would have done it.

Instead, he settled for watching Potter watch Regulus over the edge of his book and smiled to himself as Regulus's eyes fluttered open.

Regulus sat partially up, groaned, and fell over onto his pillow again. Severus watched James cringe, and didn't turn to look at Regulus as he spoke. "The potions Madam Pomphrey gave you will make you still weak for the next twenty four hours."

"Thanks for the warning," he heard Regulus grumble, and knew the younger boy was now forcing his eyes to open for the second time.

"She said you have pneumonia," Potter whispered. Snape could tell he was trying to stop his voice from shaking and not quite succeeding. He knew he shouldn't enjoy that, but he did.

Not wanting to miss the look on Regulus's face, he turned slightly toward the bed. He wasn't disappointed. Regulus's eyes had widened in surprise, probably forced open from it as well, and he looked some weird cross between shocked and frightened to see James sitting at the foot of his bed.

"Hullo, Potter," Regulus managed weakly. Snape could see Sirius was looking up now; just as interested as Severus himself was to see what was going to happen next.

"Hullo," was all James seemed able to say.

"You have pneumonia," Severus continued after a brief moment of awkward silence, "which is easy enough to cure when caught early enough. You cut it close, and if you keep wandering around without proper attire in the cold I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures."

He made note of the shocked and indignant look on Sirius's face. 'Let him see,' Snape thought with a sneer, 'just what he's lost then.'

"Oh," Regulus answered, his eyes never moving from James. Which was annoying.

"Potter, go get Madame Pomphrey. She wanted to know as soon as he woke up."

"Right," James whispered, standing up. Regulus's eyes followed him across the room.

Sirius cleared his throat, and Snape instant glared at him. Didn't that _he_ ever know to keep his mouth shut. Regulus was not in any condition for that patronizing right now.

"Hi, Regulus."

Blue eyes darted away from James, seeing his brother for the first time. "What are **_you_** doing here?"

That was exactly what Severus wanted to know. If Potter was to be believed, and Severus wasn't entirely sure he was, then Sirius was there to apologize. If that was indeed his intention, then Severus wanted to hear it. Wanted to see Sirius down on his knees, begging his brother to forgive him even though he clearly didn't deserve it. He wanted to see Regulus refuse to give it to him.

"I…well, you see…I…"

Regulus raised an eyebrow, and appeared to be about to speak when Madame Pomphrey came bustling over.

"Awake then, are you? Good. You're going to need a few more potions that I couldn't give you when you were asleep before you'll really be on your way to recovery. Goodness knows you cut it close enough."

"I didn't feel sick right away, and I don't anymore either," Regulus complained, eyeing her potions warily. Severus had forgotten, until then, how much Regulus hated the hospital wing and potions. He knew how to coax him into taking them, of course, but perhaps he would let Sirius do it this time if he were so keen to make up for his 'sins'.

"I don't care whether or not you feel sick, you're taking them." Madam Pomphrey glared at the younger Slytherin, and Severus suppressed a laugh. Apparently she hadn't forgotten the usual struggle either.

"I am not, I'll do just fine without them. Muggles do."

"Muggles die from pneumonia."

"Well…I'm not a Muggle."

"Then why are you insisting on healing like one?"

"Because."

Evans sat up then, obviously awoken by the noise now being made, but she didn't say anything. Severus was grateful that she, at least, knew how to hold her tongue. It wasn't like anything she said now could help anyway.

Potter was still standing several feet away, close to the window. For someone who had refused to move from Regulus's side earlier, this seemed to be curious behavior. Severus glared at him, and made a mental note not to trust Potter to be there when Regulus needed him.

Obviously frustrated now, Madame Pomphrey reached out to hand Severus the bottle. "Here!"

"Don't look at me," he said in a deliberately bored tone, and pointed over to Sirius. "**_He's_** his brother."

Regulus looked betrayed for a moment, and a slight pang of guilt etched its way into Severus's heart. Still, the look of shock on Sirius's face was almost worth it. Particularly when Regulus turned his head to look at Sirius instead.

"Take your potion, Regulus," Sirius said mildly, refusing to look directly at his brother. Severus could just hear the sneer in Regulus's voice, a sneer worthy of a Slytherin, as he spoke next.

"Make me."


	24. Forgivness

A/N: Everyone see the season finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender? It was awesome! If you've never seen the show…watch it! That show is so unbelievably funny and cool and just…AWESOME! And addicting! I love it!

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Lily snorted as Sirius finally looked up, meeting his brother's eyes with defiance.

"You need it."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"I'm not taking it," Regulus glared.

Lily shook her head. Stubborn gits.

"You bloody well are," Sirius stood up, frustration and anger in his eyes. Sirius always had too short a fuse for his own good, and right now it was showing more than ever. Lily guessed that Sirius's fuse was probably exceptionally short because he felt so unbalanced with Regulus and Snape both glaring daggers at him.

By the window, James finally spoke up. "Sirius," his voice held a cold warning, and Lily cringed. She had never heard James use that tone before. "You break him, I break you."

All eyes turned to James, who was staring out the window. Lily wondered what the bespectacled boy was thinking, but his face was blank. Sirius was glaring at James's back, but he soon deflated.

"Please?" Sirius tried, hopefully.

"Nope." Regulus had a small smile playing on his lips, and Lily knew that he was happy that James had stood up for him against his best friend.

"You need it," Sirius tried again, and Lily caught Snape's snort. She glanced over, and saw that he was watching the scene unfold with one eyebrow raised. She seriously starting to think to think she needed to take a class on reading body language!

"I feel fine," Regulus's glare was starting to return, and Lily knew that this could go on for hours.

"But you _aren't_ fine! You're sick and you're going to get sicker if you don't take this," Sirius was yelling now, and James finally turned from the window, opening his mouth to say something when Regulus cut him off.

"What gives you the right to suddenly care?" Regulus spat, and Lily closed her eyes briefly. Regulus had a right to be angry. If she was in his shoes, Lily was sure that she would have broken down and hurt Sirius long ago.

"I care because you are my brother," Sirius said it softly, eyes falling to the floor.

"I was your brother yesterday, and you didn't care then!" Regulus spat this out, and Sirius flinched.

"No, I didn't. Yesterday…" Sirius sighed, "I thought you were a monster. But monsters only exist as long as you think believe they do. Today, I know the truth. You're not the monster, Regulus."

"No, _I'm _not," Regulus's eyes were cold, but Sirius met them.

"I'm sorry, Reggie. I…" Sirius bit his lip, searching for the right words. "I'm sorry for being the monster. I know I don't deserve it, but…I'd like another chance to be the brother I should have been. Will you let me? Will you give me a second chance?"

"Why should I?" Regulus shook his head, "Just because you finally figured out that I'm not the evil you thought I was. It takes more than that, Sirius."

"I know," Sirius whispered, "but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to earn your forgiveness."

"Then you don't deserve it," Regulus was the one looking at his hands now, and Lily could almost feel the sadness coming off him. She wondered if Sirius understood what it was that Regulus was asking for. All the Slytherin wanted was for Sirius to do something for him, even just _think_ of doing something for Regulus alone. Not for himself, or his friend, or anything…but just to show Regulus that he really did care.

"No, I don't," Sirius sighed. He shook his head and stood up, and Lily stared at him. He was giving up? He was just going to let it drop and leave Regulus to hate him? Stupid boys!

Sirius walked over and handed the potion to Severus, "Take care of him. I…I know I don't have the right, but I do love him." Sirius closed his eyes, his voice thick with unshed tears. "You're a better brother than I could ever be anyway."

Snape's eyes widened with shock, and Sirius moved away and started for the door. Lily looked, helplessly, at James to do something, but James was standing there looking back and forth between them nervously.

"Siri?" Regulus called out frantically, and Sirius paused. "I'll take the dumb potion if it's that bloody important to you."

Lily almost laughed. Honestly? Forgiveness through a potion? That was the most ridiculous thing that she had ever heard of.

Sirius turned around and smiled, tentatively. He took the potion that Snape was now holding out to him, and walked to Regulus's bed; handing the boy the potion and watching him choke it down.

Lily shook her head, giving a wide-eyed Severus a reassuring smile. This was certainly the most awkward and unconventional of gatherings this hospital wing had probably ever seen.


	25. Small Talk

**A/N:** And now…um…we're back to the plot. Or, well, what's kind of the plot.

* * *

Regulus sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, his chin resting on his knees, and his arms wrapped around his legs. It was a vulnerable position, but it was also what he was most comfortable with when thinking.

He couldn't roam to try and sort everything out, which annoyed him. Madam Pomphrey had decreed he couldn't be sent back down to those "dank and cold dungeons"- about which she apparently intended to confront Dumbledore- until he had made a complete recovery.

It was now two days since he'd come, and everyone that had been there when he'd woken up had come to visit him off and on. Everyone that is, except James.

It was about this development that Regulus was currently thinking. Four days ago the older boy had confessed his undying love, and now he couldn't even look at him. He'd asked Sirius about it when he'd come to visit last time, which was still a bit awkward for both of them, but Sirius had blown him off.

Regulus sighed, burying his head in his knees. Merlin, why was this so difficult. He liked James. He was willing to risk everything for him, and he couldn't even find the time to come visit? Hadn't even looked at Regulus since the moment he'd gone to get Madam Pomphrey. What had happened?

Regulus heard the door open, and sighed inwardly. "I'm not an excuse to miss classes, Severus. Just go to your stupid Care of Magical Creatures class already."

In a completely uncharacteristic action, Severus didn't respond. In fact, Regulus would have thought he'd imagined the sound of the door open if it were for the echo of footsteps approaching his bed tentatively.

Rolling his eyes, Regulus lifted his head. "How many times do I…" he trailed off as his eyes caught up with his mouth. It wasn't Severus who was standing there, but in fact the very object of his musings. "Oh."

James shifted his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. He honestly looked like he wished he was anywhere else, and Regulus couldn't blame him. Having the floor open up and swallowing him didn't sound like to bad an idea at the moment.

"Hi," James offered weakly.

"Hi," Regulus responded, taking himself back by the distinct lack of…well anything in his voice. It was completely flat for a reason he could not explain.

"Um…can I sit down?"

"If you want."

James pulled up a chair and plopped down in it. The silence stretched between them, becoming almost physically heavy. Regulus wished he could break it, but found he didn't know what to say.

Luckily, it seemed James did.

"Look…um…"

"You've changed your mind, haven't you," Regulus blurted. With the silence gone, it seemed as though all his barriers were as well. Now here he was, blurting out his secret fears like a six-year-old. "That's why you wouldn't come see me. You saw how weak I was and changed your mind."

"What?" James looked honestly stunned. "No! No…Regulus, that's not it at all."

"What is it then?"

That silence again. Was it really so hard for him? Couldn't he just say that he'd decided to love Evans after all and that he was sorry but this couldn't work?

"I couldn't…I can't…"

Regulus said nothing at all, looking at his feet under the blanket.

"I can't be with you."

A pause, and the James asked very quietly. "Why not?"

"That's what you're trying to say."

"No, it isn't."

"Of course it is. You found someone else or…or something…and you don't want…"

Quidditch worn hands grabbed his shoulders, giving him a bit of a shake and forcing him to look up. "Is that what you think? You think I could so easily leave you? That in two days I could just drop all this and leave you?"

"Then why didn't you come see me?" His voice was thick with emotion, and he hated it, but he had to ask. He had to know the complete truth, no matter how painful it was. "You wouldn't even look at me. You stood up for me but you didn't…look at me."

James released him, letting him fall back slightly onto the pillows. "I'm sorry, Cub. I really am."

Regulus blinked, a bit startled. "Cub?"

James looked taken back. That was, apparently, something he hadn't meant to say. "Regulus I…"

"I like it." He turned away again, resting his chin on his knees once more. "It's for my star, isn't it? The heart of the lion?"

Another pause, this one less tense then before. "Yeah."

"I like it," he said again.

"I'm sorry…" James sat down on the edge of the bed, and gently took Regulus's hand in both his own. Regulus let his eyes travel down his own arm, across those hands, and eventually up into the other boy's face. His eyes locked onto gentle hazel irises that were pleading his understanding. "I'm to obvious. I was afraid that you didn't feel the same, and that my coming was just putting you in unnecessary danger."

Regulus stared at him, taking a moment to weigh what he wanted to say. "I thought Severus told you what I felt."

"I needed, no I **_need_**,to hear it from you."

'If this isn't an awkward situation, I don't know what is.' Regulus thought to himself, closing his eyes against the stinging there. He'd never said this before. Never once in his life told anyone he loved them. There was a mutual understanding between himself and his parents that he was necessary, but never loved. How were you supposed to say it? How was he supposed to put everything he was feeling into words?

James let go of his hand, and Regulus felt him turn away. "I understand. I thought that maybe…but if you can't, that's okay too."

Regulus opened his eyes. He couldn't lose this chance. "No, it's not that. I just…I don't know how to say it. I've never…I don't have a word…I just…" His eyes found James's again, and he felt suddenly calm. He could do this. He had to do this. "I like you. I like you more than I should. More than anyone else. I don't know if its love yet, but I'm willing to risk everything for the chance to be with you. To find out what that word really means. I can't promise it will work out. I can't promise that I'll ever actually be able to say it but…I can promise that I will try. If you want to. You have my heart, for better or worse, to do with as you please."


	26. Playful Banter

A/N: Gah! I'm tired and I just have to finish this chapter before bed! You know…I really think that my humor only works when I'm tired, because this chapter is fun.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James felt his heart soar, and he couldn't stop himself from wrapping Regulus into his arm, and pulling the smaller boy against his chest. "Thank you. I…I was so scared that Snape was just playing a joke on me, to get even for all the pranks. I was so…Merlin!" James pulled Regulus even closer, feeling Regulus hugging him back, and smiling.

"I take it this means you still want to try?" Regulus laughed, and James smiled wider.

"More than I've ever wanted anything. I don't expect you to promise anything, and I know that you don't know exactly what you feel for me yet. I haven't exactly been showing you my best side all these years. But I do love you."

It felt so good to finally be able to say that! To finally be able to look at Regulus, and just let the Slytherin see all his emotions and all his love.

James pulled back a little and gently brushed his fingers over Regulus's cheek. He wanted so much to kiss him, to just lean in and taste those lips; but he needed to take things slowly. Not because Snape had ordered him too, but because he didn't want to mess this up. He couldn't lose this. He had needed it far too much for far too long.

"You know," Regulus smiled, "What I thought I was saying to Severus should go for you too. I'm not an excuse to miss class."

James laughed, feeling the nervousness drift out of him. "You're the best kind of excuse. Besides, what better time to come than when everyone else is asleep?"

"Asleep?"

"You honestly think anyone but Slytherins stay awake in class on a day like today?" James smiled, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Now I know why all you Gryffindors are so thick," Regulus shook his head, frowning dramatically as his eyes shone with amusement.

"No…that's just because Sirius-ness is contagious."

Regulus laughed at that, and James felt an unhealthy amount of satisfaction over something as trivial as making someone laugh.

"Maybe I shouldn't have forgiven him, then. I can't really afford to become thick this year."

James smiled, "I don't know, would it up my chances of getting you to agree to a date next week?"

Regulus looked closely at James, and James held his breath, praying that asking Regulus out wasn't going too far.

"How could we do that without being found out?"

James let out a mental sigh of relief. "Don't worry about it. If you agree, then I have it all planned out. No one will disturb us."

"I have a lot of homework most nights," Regulus leaned into his pillows, "but if we went out on Friday then I should be able to no problem."

James smiled, "Friday it is. Just meet me outside your common room right before dinnertime."

"You know where our common room is?" Regulus raised an eyebrow.

"You look eerily like Snape when you do that," James laughed, and Regulus grinned.

"And yet, you find me attractive all the same? Should I be worried about you and Severus?"

"Gah! Never!" James laughed at Regulus's indignant look.

"Severus is a great person, and he's fairly attractive in his own way!" Regulus glared.

"Don't get me wrong," James held up his hands, "Snape is fine…well, he's tolerable anyway and slowly moving up on my list, but he's still a…well…just not my type."

"You were going to call him a greasy git again, weren't you?" Regulus's eyes were turning slightly cold, and James knew that he was in dangerous territory.

"Honestly? Yeah," James shook his head before Regulus could say anything, "but more out of habit than anything. After everything that he said to me the other day, and everything that he's doing for us, I can't really help but start to feel…that he is less of a prat than I thought he was."

"He's a great person, and my brother," Regulus sighed.

"I know, and I love that he has been there for you, but I haven't really seen any side of him other than a, well, annoying one," James leaned back against the foot of the bed, "Do you really think he's attractive?"

Regulus looked up at James and burst out laughing. "He's…oh Merlin…He's my brother, Potter! I…I'm not attracted…No incest!" Regulus finally managed to get out through his laughter.

James smiled, feeling relieved even though he had sternly told himself that Regulus would never have anything but platonic and brotherly affection for Snape, "Good, 'cause I'm pretty bad at sharing. Only child and all that."

"Merlin!" Regulus said again, looking at James through laughter-filled eyes. James had the sudden realization that Regulus was very much laughing _at_ him, not with him.

Glaring, James defended himself, "You were the one who said he's attractive."

"Yeah, to someone else!" Regulus nudged James in the leg with his foot. "He's not really my type."

"And what is your type then, Cub?" James smirked.

"You know," Regulus shrugged, "Red hair, female…"

James smacked Regulus's leg, glaring lightly. "Ha ha, very funny." It really was though, which made this all too much fun.

"So, what will we be doing on this date of ours?" Regulus raised an eyebrow, and James resisted the urge to snicker.

"A lot more of this, I'd hope. Talking, laughing, plus food," James shrugged, nonchalantly, but winked at Regulus. "Nothing too fun. I have strict rules to follow, you know?"

"So I heard," Regulus muttered, cheeks tinted pink.

James laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Honestly, if Regulus was allowed to laugh at him, then he was definitely going to get payback!


	27. Hair Play

**A/N:** I…honestly have no idea what to write for this. So, I'm going to randomly choose to write from Remus's point of view and see what happens.

* * *

"You really should just quit while your ahead," Remus heard Peter laugh as he walked in the room on Friday after his last class. "It's never going to stay flat."

"Oh yes it will," James responded with some conviction. "I'm going to make it!"

"Prongs, it's not like he hasn't seen your hair before," Sirius said, sounding slightly grouchy. "If he likes you, it's with your hair standing up and all."

Remus opened the door fully now, and discovered all three of his friends were in the bathroom. James had his wand out and was standing in front of the mirror, while Sirius was leaning against the doorframe and Peter sat on the counter.

"What are you doing?" He asked with a small laugh, trying his best to keep a straight face as James waved his wand and his hair started to look as though it was defying gravity.

"Prongs here has a date with my brother this afternoon," Sirius growled, though it lacked any real conviction. He was still struggling with this, but no one could really blame him. The last week and a half had turned his world upside down.

"He's trying to fix his hair for it," Peter responded, not even trying to hide his laughter. "So far he's managed to make it worse, and if you look closely it's gone from black to dark blue."

"You're hair is blue?"

"Yes," James responded miserably, folding his arms on the counter and burying his head in them. "Oh it's no use!"

"Not really," Sirius said, putting his hands in his pockets. Remus shot him a dark look before walking into the bathroom and putting his hands on James's shoulders.

"Prongs, it's okay. I'm sure we can find a way to get your hair back to normal."

"I don't want it to be normal," came the muttered response. "I want it to be better. Everything has to be perfect."

"Aren't going just a bit out of your way for Regulus. I mean, is he really worth all this?" Sirius asked, genuinely looking confused.

James sat up, and Remus could see his look of utter loathing in the mirror. Reacting fast, he grabbed James's wand away, but James didn't seem to notice.

"He's worth all of this and more if you choose to see it!"

"I'm _trying_ to see it, so get off my back!" Sirius yelled back.

"Stop it, both of you." Remus felt his own temper beginning to break through, and put James's wand back down again for safety's sake. "Sirius, James adores Regulus. You're going to have to live with that or learn to keep your mouth shut. James, Sirius really is trying his best but it isn't easy. Despite what you like to think, Regulus _isn't_ perfect and he's not going out of his way to make this easy for him."

When no one said anything, Remus pulled out his own wand and began trying to see if he could reverse the damage James had done to his hair. "James?"

"Yeah?" The other boy replied, and he sounded so miserable that Remus had to question the wisdom behind letting James date who he pleased. At least when he was pretending to like Lily he could at least pretend to be happy.

With a sigh, Remus continued, "What possessed you to do this? You've never done anything but try and mess up your hair before."

"I messed up my hair because I knew she hated it."

"That wasn't what I was asking."

James resumed his position of leaning against the counter and stared at himself in the mirror. "He's so bloody perfect and doesn't even realize it. He's got this easy grace and I'm…I'm…"

"You?" Peter offered, and Sirius threw a handy copy of 'Quidditch Monthly' at him.

"Exactly," James said dejectedly, ignoring that Peter had now pulled out his wand and was sending toilet paper zooming at Sirius.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Remus said, hoping onto the counter Peter had just left and also choosing to ignore the battle of toiletries going on around them.

"I have blue hair."

"You didn't before you tried to 'fix' it."

"Moony, I just…I want him to like me."

"He does like you. Which is, I think, something you missed."

"I didn't miss it. He told me."

"So why are you trying to change?"

"I…have no idea." James's shoulders slumped in defeat, and Remus picked up his wand again. This time he managed to get it to stop looking as though it was floating around James's head like a crazy halo.

"He likes you," Remus continued, "even though you haven't always treated him like you wanted to. Just like you can see through all the masks he wears, he can see through yours. He would know right away that you're new hair do was another mask, and it probably wouldn't help anything at all. You've always refused to change your ways before, don't start now. If he can't love you for you, then I would suggest finding someone who can."

James laughed, taking off his glasses to clean them. "You're using my normal behavior and advice against me."

"Yes, I am. You're always so good at helping others, but when it comes to yourself you're hopeless."

"Not fair."

"But true."

The two friend smiled at each other, to use to the flashes of light from various jinxes to even notice Sirius and Peter any more.

"Thanks, Moony. You really helped. Loads more than those two anyway."

"Anytime, Prongs. You've done a lot to help me. Friends return the favor."

James rolled his eyes. "What is it with you and Peter and friend's having duties. Isn't there any such thing as being friends with no strings attached?"

"Nope, sorry. Friends are like sex that way."

James spluttered, his eyes widening behind his glasses. "Remus John Lupin, I cannot believe you just said that!"

Remus grinned a slightly wolfish smile. "What can I say? You lot are wearing off on me." He hoped of the counter and stood behind James, "now, lets see if we can't fix this blue, shall we?"


	28. Embarrassing Beginnings

A/N: I didn't want to write another James/Regulus scene (because it's really hard for me to write Cub, and because I wrote the last scene) so I decided to delay it and let Reggie write it. Hope no one minds too much that the date is delayed a chapter.

Title: Embarrassing Beginnings

* * *

Lily smiled when she heard the familiar voices. She had just finished her last class, potions, and was half-way up the stairs to Gryffindor tower, when she realized that she had forgotten her potions book. She was just turning the corner to the dungeons when she heard the voices.

"You really don't have to wait with me," Regulus said, sounding exasperated.

"I know I don't, but I'm not letting Potter go without talking to him," Snape sighed, as though he had explained all this before.

Lily turned the corner and saw that the two boys were walking away from her, deeper into the dungeons.

"It's just a date, Severus. We're not going out to shag or anything."

"You know," Lily smiled widely as the two spun around, wands drawn. "I thought this was supposed to be a secret, and here I find you two discussing it where anybody can hear."

"We were not discussing it where anybody could hear, Evens," Snape glared slightly, and Lily noted that the glare held a lot less coldness than it usually did. "No one is usually down here at this time." The sentence held a silent question as to why she was roaming around the dungeons just before dinner.

"I forgot my potions book," Lily offered, smiling. Then, getting back to the point, added, "And I could have been anyone."

"Good thing it's just you, then, isn't it?" Regulus said indifferently, but Lily could see that the Slytherin was slightly paler than normal.

"Good thing," Lily agreed. "So, you have a date with James tonight?"

"So much for not discussing this where 'anyone could hear,'" Snape drawled, raising an eyebrow at Lily, who blushed.

"Yes, actually," Regulus said, looking pointedly at Snape.

Lily wondered what the look was supposed to convey, because she couldn't read it at all. It appeared, however, that Snape could, because he shook his head and sighed.

"They are actually supposed to be meeting in a few minutes." Snape gave Lily a calculating look, before raising an eyebrow, "Want to come along? There are a few rules that I wish to remind Potter of, before I allow them to run off alone together."

Lily smiled as Regulus immediately began to argue with Snape about rules not being necessary. "Sounds like fun."

Regulus turned and glared at Lily, "We don't need chaperones."

"Allow me to talk to Potter prior to the date, or I will just have to accompany you through the whole evening," Snape crossed his arms and waited for Regulus's response.

Regulus glared, but Lily could tell that he knew Snape wasn't making an empty threat. Lily wondered when she had made it far enough onto their trusted list to be allowed to see these kind of brotherly moments. Whatever she had done to deserve this, she was thankful. Those two really did make cute brothers.

"Just don't embarrass me," Regulus sighed, heading back down the hall.

Lily caught Snape's eyes and winked, "Oh, I don't think he plans on embarrassing _you_."

"Brilliant," Regulus muttered.

Lily followed the two boys down the hall, making a mental note to go and fetch her potions book after the fun. She really couldn't pass up the opportunity to see this!

The odd group walked for a while, finally stopping in a hallway that looked just like any other they had gone through. Lily looked around for something, a portrait, a lamp, _anything_ that was different. There was nothing.

"Erm…are we lost?" Lily bit her lip when she saw the amused expression on Regulus's face.

"This is where James told me to meet him," Regulus said carefully, and Lily wondered what it was about the corridor that Regulus was hiding.

"Hi!"

Everyone turned, noticing James running up to the group. He stopped in front of them and put his hands on his knees, half bent over and trying to catch his breath. After a minute, James looked up and gave them all an odd look.

"Is this a double date?" James asked Regulus, trying and failing to hide his disappointment.

"No!" Regulus and Snape said together, both blushing lightly at the uncharacteristic outburst. Lily bit her cheek, both blushing at James's question and trying not to laugh at the looks on the Slytherin's faces.

Lily turned her attention back to James, trying to find anything to change the subject. Luckily, James gave her a pretty good distraction. "Is your hair _blue!_"

James ran his hand through it, sighing, "Yeah."

"What happened?" Regulus snickered.

"I was…" James blushed, "trying to fix it. Make it less messy. Didn't work."

"So we see," Snape's eyebrow was raised, and Lily could almost hear the glee in his voice at James's embarrassment.

"Remus tried to fix it…but it just made it a more noticeable blue. Didn't have time to see Pomfrey." James glanced up, through his blue bangs, at Regulus. "If you don't want to go tonight…"

"I do," Regulus laughed. "A bit of blue hair doesn't bother me, so long as it's not permanent."

"I hope not," James laughed. "Shall we, then?" He eyed Snape and Lily, then gave Snape a wink. "We wouldn't want to keep them from their alone time for too long."

Lily blushed again, and looked at her hands. Stupid James. Just when she was starting to feel comfortable around the Slytherins, and they were starting to feel comfortable around her, he comes along and embarrasses all of them. She could almost see why Snape detested the guy. Almost.

"Actually, I wanted to…" Snape started, but James cut him off.

"I know, I know," James smiled. "No sleeping with him for a month, no lying to him, no breaking up with him, keep it secret, and support whatever he wants. Anything you were wanting to add to the list?"

Regulus was a deep scarlet now. "You told him not to…Severus!"

"It's a fair rule."

Regulus just shook his head and dragged James off down the hall. Lily glanced at Snape, snickering lightly.

"At least you know he listened."

"I just hope he follows."

Lily smiled. You really couldn't tell what was going on the mind of a Slytherin. Or in the heart of one.


	29. The Fallow Deer

**A/N:** Just so everyone knows, I feel awful for Regulus last chapter! That had to be so horrifying for him!

That said, I want to point out that I didn't want to do a Regulus chapter this close to the last one, but I have no option, apparently. Oh well.

* * *

Regulus was doing his very best not to positively fume about what had just happened. Honestly, no sense of propriety at all! If he wanted to shag Potter- not that he did- it was his own damn business. Severus had no right to interfere that way!

James, it seemed, was wise enough not to say anything for the time being, and after a while Regulus got a bit more control of himself. Severus wanted to ruin this for him, and like hell he would let him. He was going to enjoy this, whatever James had planned.

By this time, James had led him through the tunnel to Hogsmeade in which they'd previously kissed. Regulus smiled a bit at the memory, but carefully schooled his expression so it didn't show.

"Where are we going?" He asked, hoping James would get the clue that it was now okay to talk.

"You'll see," James responded, and Regulus could hear the grin in his voice. He scowled.

"I'm not a patient person, as you might remember."

"Oh, trust me. I remember." James lifted the door of the Hogsmeade cellar, and Regulus was surprised to find it was lit with dim candlelight. Remus Lupin was sitting on one of the crates, a lantern in one hand and looking nervous.

"Are you sure about this," Regulus heard Remus hiss quietly to James. James smiled.

"Come on, Moony, you said you'd help me."

"I didn't think you'd be pulling something like this!"

"Then you don't know me very well. Come on, Moony, it's harmless."

Remus sighed and reached into his back pocket. "Alright, fine. Fine! I got the stuff you asked for." He pulled what looked like a handful of muggle money out of one pocket and stuffed it into James's hand before reaching into the pocket of his coat. "I also brought the cloak. Thought you might like it until you got out of Hogsmeade."

"We're going out of Hogsmeade?" Regulus asked. He felt both excited and terrified by the idea. Besides traveling home, he hadn't seen much outside Hogsmeade. The idea of going somewhere muggle excited him. What were true muggles like? He saw them so rarely.

On the other hand, he was very much aware that they were seriously breaking the rules. Going to Hogsmeade on an unsolicited weekend was bad enough, but to leave entirely was crazy.

James looked over his shoulder, the light from Remus's lantern reflection off his glasses, as he grinned. "Excited?"

Regulus tried and failed to stop his return grin. "A little bit."

"Insane, both of you." Remus concluded, finally withdrawing his hand from his pocket and unfolding what looked like spun silver.

"An invisibility cloak!" Regulus gasped, amazed.

"Mine," James explained. "It's been handed down for generations. Come on, we'll have to get close for both to fit under it."

Personally, Regulus thought this was just an excuse for James to get close to him and still follow the rules, but he wasn't about to complain. He willingly stepped close to James, allowing their arms to touch briefly. Merlin, even that little touch gave him goose bumps.

Remus threw the cloak over both of them, shaking his head. "Good Luck. I'll be here in two hours to let you back in and you better be back by then."

"Promise," James responded, gripping Regulus's hand in one of his own and leading him up into the nearly deserted shop. They snuck out the door just as Mr. Honeydukes was locking it and crept silently to the outskirts of town. Regulus said nothing the entire way, though his breath was beginning to come in short and excited gasps.

"You know how to apparate?" James asked at length, stopping suddenly.

Regulus stopped to, and turned his head slightly to look at him. "Kind of. I don't get my license until spring, and I'm not seventeen for another month."

"It's alright." James tugged the cloak off, stuffed it in his pocket, and pulled Regulus close. "Don't let go, alright?"

Regulus didn't get a chance to respond before the familiar sense of apperating engulfed him. He clutched James's arm tightly, afraid of becoming separated from him. Just as quickly as it had begun, it stopped. Regulus stepped away from James a little, feeling slightly dizzy and his ears were ringing, but he didn't let go of the other boy's arm. James grinned down at him.

"Shall we then?"

Regulus blinked, allowing his eyes to adjust to the dim light. He glanced up at the sign above the door.

"The Fallow Deer?" He asked.

"I have a special love for this pub," James smiled secretly, and Regulus couldn't help but laugh. James's grin widened at this.

"After you," James said, bowing. Regulus bowed in return and walked toward the door.

The inside had the feel of an old hunting lodge. The walls and décor seemed to be made of dark wood that had been crudely cut. Painted scenes of duck and peasant hunting lined the walls.

"Two please," James said, approaching the counter. The lady behind it gave them a quizzical look, but said nothing. Instead she picked up two menus and led them to a small table toward the back window. The pub wasn't overly crowded, and in fact had a kind of homey atmosphere. Regulus was finding he rather liked it.

"Can I get yah anything to drink, loves?" The woman asked. Regulus looked at James for some kind of clue, and James just smiled at him.

"We'll have some Ginger Beer, please."

"Ice."

"Yeah."

She walked away, and James leaned across the table. "So, what do you think?"

Regulus looked around, taking in the warm feeling and the happy chatter going on around them. "It's brilliant."

James grinned, picking up his menu as the barmaid returned with their drinks. "So…what can I get you? Moony gave me plenty of muggle money. You can get whatever you want."

Regulus looked down at his menu, inspecting each item. Some of these things he'd never heard of, but most were familiar. They were things they ate at Hogwarts nearly every feast.

"I think," he said after a bit, "that Irish Stew sounds good. With mash."

James smiled a rather winning smile and leaned back in his chair, running a hand up to play with his blue bangs. Regulus stifled a laugh. James had probably forgotten all about his blue hair at this point, but it did look horribly blue when the light reflected off of it like that.

"Should I order now, then?" James asked.

Regulus shrugged. "I'm in no particular hurry. We've still got plenty of time." He reached for his drink, picking it up to inspect the amber liquid. "What is it?"

"It's Ginger Beer."

"Oh, very helpful. I mean what **_is_** it?"

"It's a soft drink, really. Not beer at all. Taste it, I think you'll like it."

Regulus did as he was told, and was surprised at how dry it tasted, considering it was a drink. It wasn't really a sweet taste, but it wasn't too bad. It took him a minute to decide that it did, in fact, taste like ginger.

"It's…different."

"Yeah, it is. Really great for calming a nervous stomach."

"I'm not nervous."

"You might not be, but I sure as hell am."

Regulus laughed again, shaking his head. "Does the world revolve around you, or something?"

"Why yes, actually."

They lapsed into a silence that was somewhere between unpleasant and awkward. Regulus turned to look out the window and noticed it was snowing.

"Shall I go order then?"

"Alright," Regulus responded, not looking away from the dancing flakes. He heard James stand to leave, and return a moment later.

"I got a Grilled Chicken Breast Sandwich."

"Sounds American."

"Probably is. Our number is thirteen."

"What does that mean?"

"It means we could be waiting a while before our food comes." James offered him a somewhat nervous smile, which Regulus returned. This could be a very long two hours.


	30. Hit The Floor

A/N: Hope you all like this chapter…I felt like being a little evil. Blame it on the fact that I'm currently listening to Linkin Park. They always make me feel mischievous. Linkin Park owns the title of this chapter, for it the title of one of their songs…but the song doesn't have anything to do with this chapter, other than I loved the title.

Title: Hit the Floor

* * *

James sat down, fidgeting with his bangs, nervously. What could they talk about? He didn't know what they had in common, other than Quidditch, and he wasn't so insensitive and pathetic as to discuss sports on a date. What else was there? James sighed, and then smiled as a soft music caught his ear.

Standing, he held out a hand to Regulus, "Dance with me?"

Regulus looked around, and seemed to notice that this wasn't really a dancing pub. Everyone else was sitting, talking quietly, and eating. "Erm…I don't think we're supposed to dance here."

"Where's your sense of adventure?" James smiled, pulling Regulus out of his seat and to a reasonably empty area.

"Not a bloody Gryffindor," Regulus muttered, blushing.

James smiled, pulling Regulus close to him and wrapping his arms around his date's waist. "Nope, but you're bloody gorgeous." James whispered into the Slytherin's ear as he started to slowly sway with the music.

"I'd normally say the same about you, but that hair is awful," Regulus smiled, and James knew that he was just trying to get his footing in a situation that he had no experience with.

"Yeah, it is," James blushed, laying his head on Regulus's shoulder and accidentally stepping on his foot. Dancing with a bloke wasn't as easy as dancing with a girl. Both of them were instinctively trying to lead. James laughed lightly. "How about, I lead this song, you lead next?"

"Everyone is staring," Regulus whispered, but he stopped trying to lead the dance.

"So? If they had any intelligence, they'd be dancing too."

"I don't think the dancing is why they are staring."

James looked up and around. He had noticed the staring since he had first walked in, but he had assumed it was because of his hair. Now that Regulus pointed it out, he saw the animosity on so many of the faces. Bugger. He had forgotten that muggles weren't nearly as accepting of homosexual relationships as wizards were.

"They'll get over it," James glared at the surrounding people. James pulled Regulus closer, and immediately forgot the people around them. He hadn't realized that they had gotten so close, but Regulus was now pressed flush against him.

James took a deep breath, taking in Regulus's sent. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his date's neck, smiling against Regulus's skin. Snape would probably kill him if Regulus told him about this, but he didn't care. Regulus was so warm, and wonderful.

"Ja..." Regulus started, but couldn't seem to finish his thought.

"Jay?" James asked, pulling back and smiling slightly.

"Foods here," Regulus blushed, pointing.

James nodded, and then led them both back to their seats. He ate lightly, not really focused on his food. Regulus was so adorable, sipping delicately at his stew. It was clear that Regulus was raised in a dignified, pure-blood family. He had the table manners of an aristocrat, and it made James feel like a troll.

"What?" Regulus smiled, finally noticing that James was staring.

"You eat like an aristocrat," James blushed. "Or a girl. But I didn't think that was a good compliment."

"Aristocrat is definitely better," Regulus laughed.

"Thought so," James smiled, "erm…so…"

"How did you know where our common room is?" Regulus supplied, and James smirked.

"I'm a Marauder," James smiled. "How did you think we got to pull so many pranks on Snape?"

Regulus glared, but he didn't comment on that. "How did you first find it?"

"It was Pete, actually. He…" James bit his lip. He couldn't really say that Mrs. Norris had chased the rat down into the dungeons and he had followed a pair of feet through a door that had ended up being the Slytherin common room. "He followed someone. They didn't…well," he'd say they didn't see him, but that wasn't true. They had seen him, and tried to step on him. He wouldn't lie to Regulus, so how could he do this?

"He what?" Regulus raised an eyebrow.

"He has a talent that keeps him from being noticed too much. Followed someone in. Don't ask how…it's not my secret to tell and I don't want to lie." There, that was the best he could do.

Regulus looked at him, but nodded. "I can't expect you to break Severus's rules, now can I?"

James laughed, "Not if you want me to live."

They ate in silence for a little, but it wasn't awkward this time. Finally, James smiled, "I never thought that I'd be here. That I'd not only be on a date with you, but that…well, any of this, really. Especially the hair."

Regulus laughed. "Who knew that drinking could actually lead to this?"

"Not me, but I'm glad it did." James smirked, remembering that night. Well, some of that night anyway. He still couldn't remember all of it. He did remember that he had kissed Regulus, and that memory made him desperate to lean in and try it again.

"I don't know that I trust that expression," Regulus said, nervously.

"Was just wondering what you would do if I tried to kiss you again," James smiled, watching Regulus blush. James wetted his lips, "Would you mind?"

Regulus met James's eyes, blushing even more now. "N-no. I would…wouldn't mind."

James smiled and leaned closer, bringing his hand up to caress the Slytherin's cheek. James watched as Regulus's eyes fluttered closed. He let his own eyes closed, and gave a mental sigh as their lips met.

James slid his hand into Regulus's hair, and pulled them closer together. He lightly licked Regulus's lips, and was rewarded with Regulus opening his mouth and sliding his tongue against his own.

Groaning softly, James deepened the kiss even more. It was perfect. It was so much more than he ever thought he would have.

Rough hands grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him and Regulus apart. He gasped and doubled over as a fist impacted with his stomach. "Get out of here, you faggots!"

James went to grab for his wand, but Regulus grabbed his arm, "Don't...We'll get in trouble!"

"That's right. Listen to the little slut, you don't wanna be starting something. I'd bloody kill you."

James looked around, noticing that everyone was watching the scene. It was clear that many people in the pub were disgusted with what this guy was doing, but no one made any move to stop it.

"Don't call him that," James growled, standing up straight.

The guy punched James in the face, splitting his lip open. James pulled his own fist back and decked the stranger in the eye. He had the satisfaction of seeing the bloke stumble back, before he was grabbed by the hair and kneed in the nose.

James reeled, dizzy. He heard Regulus whimper, and stood to see that Regulus had just been hit. Seeing red, James spun the guy around and kneed him in the crotch. The stranger howled, but managed to retaliate.

A short brawl followed, Regulus hovering behind James, and yelling for them to stop. James was made sure to keep the guy from getting anywhere near his Cub. He didn't doubt that Regulus could hold his own in a normal fight, but a muggle brawl wasn't really an area where Regulus would have any experience. Not that he had much, but he had at least fought a couple of times.

Punching the stranger in the stomach, he grabbed the guy by the hair and slammed his knee against his head. Grabbing Regulus by the hand, he ran towards the door, throwing some money at the waitress they passed and running out into the snow.

Once into the relative safety outside, James stumbled and his vision blurred. He leaned into Regulus, "Sorry, Cub."

He focused and, wrapping an arm around Regulus, Apparated them back to Hogsmeade. He had a horrid headache, and quite a few cuts and bruises, but he would be alright. Glancing at Regulus, he noted with a sinking stomach that the Slytherin had a black eye.

'He's never going to want to date me again,' James thought, closing his eyes and sighing. He had ruined everything.


	31. Interrogation

**A/N:** I'm as shocked as all of you readers. That's horrible! Poor James! No worried. Reggie will kiss it better .

* * *

"Over here, Lupin," Snape called through the snow. Unlike the werewolf, Severus had not been content to wait two hours for them. In fact, he would have given them a half an hour tops. He'd finally bullied Pettigrew into telling him where they'd gone, tracked down Lupin and forced him go with him down to Hogsmeade and to the meeting spot where James was supposed to apparate back.

He'd heard the distinct sound of someone apperating, and he could now make out two figures through what was quickly becoming a blizzard. Lupin, with his wand lit, ran over. When the soft yellow light fell on the two boys, Lupin gasped. Severus didn't, but it was a near thing.

"James! James, are you okay?" Remus ran over with Severus not far behind. Severus pulled Regulus toward him and began inspecting the other boy.

"Lumos." Severus said, and he felt his stomach twist as the light revealed a nasty yellowish bruise forming around Regulus's eye and a cut that was slowly leaking blood from around his hairline.

"I'm fine, Severus," Regulus said, trying to pull away. "I got hit, that's all."

"Hit by what," his voice was low and angry, but he didn't care. He'd let Potter take Regulus out and this is how he repaid him! By, somehow, allowing the boy to get injured, or worse hitting him himself?

He didn't think Potter would stoop that low, but with him anything was possible.

Potter shrugged the worried looking Lupin- who had just fixed his bleeding lip- off and turned toward Snape.

"I'm sorry, Snape, it was my fault…"

That was all Severus needed to hear, and he began closing the distance between him and the other boy angrily.

"You're damn right it is! You blew it, Potter! If you ever think of coming near him again, I'll…"

He stopped advancing when he found a wand pointed between his eyes. He blinked, allowing his mind to register the fact that not only was Regulus standing between him and James with a look like an angry tiger, but also that he had his wand pointed at them.

To say that Severus Snape was surprised would have been a rather drastic understatement. "Regulus?"

"It. Wasn't. His. Fault." Regulus said slowly, and Severus could see his hand trembling. "We went to a pub, and some guys roughed us up. He **_protected_** me, Severus. You've seen me try and fight like a muggle. It's amazing I'm no worse than this. He tried to help me, and I will **_not_** let you repay him this way!"

Severus looked over at Lupin and Potter, who both appeared as stunned as he was. Regulus was docile by nature, and this was possibly the most aggressive Snape had ever seen him.

"Is that what happened, Potter?" Severus asked, trying to keep the suspicion out of his voice.

Potter nodded slowly, his hair flashing blue in the light their wands. "That's right. Muggles aren't as…tolerant…as wizards are."

Severus did not think that tolerant was a word that should be used to describe wizards, but he let it slide.

"I had a good time," Regulus said, his hand still trembling, "and I would do it again. I **_will_** do it again."

Severus knew that tone of voice all to well. It was the tone Regulus always got when he'd made up his mind about something- like the fact that he was your friend, for example- and there was nothing anyone could say or do to change his mind about it. Six years of trying certainly hadn't changed his mind about the fact that he should be part of Severus's life, and he doubted that six more would change his mind about this either.

"Fine, but we're going back to the castle to discuss this farther," Severus reached out and gently grabbed the wrist that was still holding the wand pointed at him. Even at this light touch Regulus let out a small gasp and dropped his wand. Severus raised an eyebrow. "Broken wrist?"

"'M." Was all Regulus managed to mutter, pulling his left wrist close to his chest. Severus bent to get his friend's fallen wand as James ran over.

"Here Cub, let me see."

"Cub?" Severus saw Lupin mouth to him, but Severus didn't respond. Apparently, pet names were something that Potter rather liked and not something he could come up with a logical reason to make a rule against. Pity.

Regulus's wrist was swollen and slightly bruised, but luckily the bone hadn't broken the skin. Lupin- who obviously knew quite a few first aid spells- had both his wrist fixed and the marks on his face removed within moments.

"Come on," Lupin whispered, gently pulling on Potter's sleeve, "lets go back. Sirius has probably worried himself sick by now."

Potter just nodded wearily and allowed himself to be pulled ahead while the two Slytherin's fell in step behind them.

"So…" Snape said after a moment.

"So what?" Regulus answered, still bending his wrist tentatively.

"So, you remember your rules I am sure."

Regulus groaned, putting one gloved hand over his eyes. "I have to tell you everything, don't I?"

"That's what you agreed to."

"Damnit!"

"Language," Severus said, doing his best to keep the teasing out of his voice. It was always easiest to handle Regulus when he was off-balance.

"Okay, okay. We went to a pub. We order drinks. Did you know Ginger Beer isn't actually a beer at all?"

"No."

"Well it isn't."

"That isn't the point."

Regulus sighed again. "We talked, he ordered the food, and then we just kind of sat there. Then he decided he wanted to dance."

"Dance?" This surprised Severus, and surprise was not a feeling he enjoyed at all.

"Yes, danced."

"Was it a proper place to dance?"

Regulus's face looked somewhat eerie as he grinned. "No, but it was fun."

"How close did you dance?"

"Severus, how close do normal people dance?"

"Depends on how long these normal people wish to keep dating."

Regulus didn't miss the hint, and stepped a few centimeters closer to his friend. "This close. Happy?"

"No. Continue."

"Then our food came, and we ate. Then he asked if he could kiss me again."

"He kissed you on your first date?"

"He kissed me before we went on a date, if you recall."

Severus had forgotten that, and felt his blood boil slightly at the reminder.

"So, we kissed, and then this big bloke shows up and starts roughing James up. James wanted to fight him- you know using his wand- but I reminded him how much trouble we'd get in. Then the guy called me…called me a slut…"

Regulus fell silent and allowed this information to sink in. If Severus was mad before, it was nothing compared to this- although the object of his anger had changed. "He did, did he?"

Regulus nodded, "so, James got mad and attacked him. At some point I got hit, and then James rescued me and protected me. He knocked the guy out and we escaped. We got back, you showed up, end of story."

"And…"

"And what? I just said end of story."

"And how do you feel?" Severus thought this was probably a redundant question, but he had to ask. He had to know how Regulus felt before he could gauge where to go from here.

"I think," he said as he followed Lupin and Potter through the trap door in Honeydukes cellar, "that I'd rather like to kiss him again."


	32. Games

A/N: Is anyone else noticing the severe lack of plot in this story? It is really making it difficult to write chapters. This is my first time, in this story, writing Sirius. Hope it turned out well.

Title: Games

* * *

Sirius sighed, wondering how Remus had talked him into going to the library to do their holiday work on the first bloody day of the Christmas holiday! Growling, Sirius reminded himself exactly why Remus had talked him into this. After last night, and James and Regulus's first date, Sirius had been stressed as anything. His first reaction to James's recount of the night was to go off and find the bloke who had hurt his brothers and kill him. His next was to realize that James had said he had been kissing Regulus when the guy showed up.

Now Sirius didn't know what to do. He was torn between screaming that Regulus wasn't good enough for James, and screaming that James was corrupting his little brother. He was confused, because he didn't know who to protect, and he didn't know how to do anything.

James had seen the look in Sirius's eyes after the fact that him and Regulus had kissed sunk in, and had screamed at Sirius and then stomped off to bed. James was now avoiding him, and Sirius was frustrated beyond belief.

He knew that Regulus wasn't the monster that he had always assumed, but he still didn't see the side of him that James kept insisting existed. Regulus may not be a monster, but he was still a spoiled prat, and he still treated Sirius with contempt. After all, isn't it supposed to be forgive and forget after an apology? Sirius had apologized for their past, and he had thought Regulus had forgiven him, but it was obvious that the boy still hadn't forgotten. He threw their past into Sirius's face at any opportunity.

He had pointed that out to James last night, and James had yelled at him to grow up. He had said that Sirius was just being overly sensitive. Sirius had hexed him. James had punched him. Sirius guessed that James was still aggravated from the brawl at the pub, because James wouldn't normally hit anybody. James had glared at him and stalked off to bed, telling him that they would talk when Sirius stopped being a prat.

That had stung. It had sounded far too much like Regulus saying that Sirius should come back when he knew Regulus.

"Hullo."

Sirius looked up and sighed. Great. Regulus.

"Afternoon. Heard you had an interesting night," Sirius looked at the seat next to him, silently telling Regulus that he could sit down if he wanted. Sirius may have been angry and annoyed, but he wasn't willing to take it out on Regulus. He would make sure to never do that again.

Regulus sat down, "Interesting isn't quite how I would put it." The younger Black took out his potions book and opened it to a marked page, then took some parchment out and a quill and ink.

"Going to do it again?"

"The date, yes," Regulus smiled to himself, "The fighting, hopefully not."

"Enjoyed it then," it wasn't really a question, so Regulus didn't bother to answer. "James really likes you."

"I really like him," Regulus looked up, meeting Sirius's eyes.

"I know," Sirius sighed again. "It's still really weird. You are my brother, and he is as good as."

"But he's not…not by blood anyway," Regulus smirked, "No incest."

Sirius laughed. "No, no incest." He bit his bottom lip, staring at his book. This was so weird. And it didn't help that the only time Regulus's voice held any emotion when talking with Sirius was when they spoke of James. "Why are you here for Christmas anyway?"

Regulus shook his head, "Mother and Father…had plans."

Sirius tensed, wondering what the plans were. Probably plans for getting Regulus the Dark Mark. Sirius mentally slapped himself. He had to stop thinking like this. Had to stop automatically jumping to the negative whenever Regulus or their parents were brought up.

"Give you a chance to spend Christmas with James," Sirius nodded, trying not to push it in case Regulus didn't want to spend Christmas with his…what? Boyfriend?

"That would be fun, though I'm not sure whether James has other plans," Regulus started taking notes out of his book.

"It's going to be hard for him this year."

"Why's that," Regulus looked up with cold eyes, and Sirius realized how that sounded.

"I didn't mean…" Sirius bit his lip, "It's just that James's parents died at the start of this year."

Regulus paled. "How?"

Sirius's gaze hardened, "Old age. Peter's dad was killed by Death Eaters this summer, though."

Regulus looked away, "Oh." He sighed, and began packing his things.

"You're leaving?" Sirius growled; trust a Slytherin to run from the truth.

"This isn't exactly a conversation that I wish to continue," Regulus did not look up.

"So change it. Don't just run away!"

"You don't seem to understand," Regulus looked at Sirius. "I could change it, but to what? We don't know each other. We don't have much of anything in common. And you are practically blaming me for something that I had no part in and had no way to control, even if I had known about it."

"I…" Sirius looked away. "Don't go. This is just…hard. It's hard to change the way you've been thinking for years."

"Why should I stay?" Regulus sighed, "This isn't working terribly well."

"I'm sorry. I just…I'm trying," Sirius bit his lip. "James told me to grow up. That I was being a prat." James was safer ground. They could talk about him, kind of.

"You are," Regulus said coldly.

Sirius bit his tongue to stop the reply. He thought for a moment, and then said, "You aren't being too helpful."

"Didn't realize that I was supposed to be making this easy on you," Regulus glared, "I don't know how to, anyway."

"Just…er…you've turned into a brilliant seeker," Sirius looked at the table.

Regulus hesitated, and then whispered, "I learned from the best."

That was the first reference that either had made to a time when they were young and had still gotten along. Sirius remembered how they used to go flying, playing seekers and trying to beat each other at catching a snitch, or playing chaser and keeper, or beaters and sending soft bludgers at each other. They were some of Sirius's best memories from growing up.

"I miss that," Sirius whispered.

"So do I. I miss playing against you with just us. No teams or points or audience. Just for fun."

Sirius looked up again, "Maybe, we could do that sometime this Christmas."

"Seeker and beater, wouldn't be much of a game. I can't really play any other positions well anymore." Regulus looked regretful, and Sirius was glad to realize that the boy wasn't just looking for an excuse to get out of it.

"Maybe a game with James as chaser, me as beater, and Remus as seeker against you and Snape…erm, don't know who else. Peter's gone home for the holidays," Sirius cringed. He hadn't meant to change the subject back.

"Did Evans stay?"

Sirius grinned.


	33. Overheard Plans

**A/N:** Hey, look! We're developing a mini-plot that has nothing to do with earlier chapters. Well, no, that's not true. Earlier chapters have everything to do with the choices Regulus makes coming up. It's just a lot of back-story or something.

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lily asked tentatively, following Severus down some rather familiar looking corridors. 

"Probably not," Snape answered, turning another corner. Not sure how to respond to that, Lily remained silent as they twisted and turned for several more feet. It was Severus who finally broke the silence. "It is, however, much quieter down here and better for studying than the library. It's only Regulus and I for the holidays."

"Oh," Lily blushed, looking at the ground, "that's very thoughtful of you."

Severus didn't reply, and finally stopped in front of a wall. He turned to look at her for the first time since inviting her down to the Slytherin Common Room. "Do you have any idea where you are?"

"Not a clue," Lily replied honestly, feeling a little foolish. Honestly, these lower dungeons were like a honeycomb. Without someone to guide her she couldn't find anything but her potions class room.

"Good." Turning back to the wall, Snape said in a clear voice, "Felix Felicis."

To Lily's astonishment, a part of the wall began to slide open. "How…"

Snape looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "Isn't your common room hidden?"

"Well…I suppose so. I just didn't think that…I mean, ours talks to us."

"Why would you want it to do that? Then it can be convinced to let in those who don't belong."

Lily blinked. She'd never thought of it that way. "Well…I guess so…"

Snape didn't respond, instead walked through the opening, and Lily followed. Her green eyes widened as she stepped into the low ceiling room. Green flooded her sight, from the few scattered couches, to the lamps that hung from the ceiling by chains, to the few tapestries that hung on the long rough stonewalls.

She was about to take another step inside when Severus held out a hand to stop her. Curious, she looked up at him, and he made a small motion for her to be silent before pointing to an elaborately carved mantle. For the first time, Lily realized that they weren't completely alone in the common room.

Regulus was kneeling in front of the fire, and obviously having one of those weird conversations with a head in the fire she'd seen some students having with loved ones late at night when they were worried for their safety.

"I told you," Regulus told someone in the fire. "I missed the train. I got lost in the dungeons and missed it. I'm sorry."

Lily looked over at Severus, but for once he looked as confused as she felt. He shook his head slightly, and indication that he had no explanation for her she assumed.

"Six years in those dungeons! You couldn't possibly have gotten lost!" A woman's voice screeched, and Lily could tell from Regulus's body posture that he winced.

"The walls move, Mother, and I was distracted…"

"By what!"

There was a long pause, and Lily realized for the first time that Regulus was lying to his mother. From what Sirius had told her, this was probably the first time in his life he'd ever done so.

"I…school work," Regulus finally muttered. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Severus shake his head again. This time he seemed to be disappointed in Regulus's lack of a plausible story.

"You are to meet Bellatrix in Hogsmeade on Christmas Eve." The voice suddenly changed from one that left no room for questions to an eerily sweet one. "We have a surprise for you, Reggie dear."

To Lily's surprise, Regulus seemed to wince even more at this sweet voice then when she'd yelled.

"But…" his voice was so soft she almost couldn't hear him, "can't I stay here, and you could send me the surprise? I could really use Severus's help on my homework…"

"Bellatrix **_will_** be there to pick you up on the twenty fourth at the Hogshead, and you **_will_** meet her!" The voice was a shriek again, and Lily covered her ears. She'd heard this voice before over Howlers Sirius had received when he was younger, and she was surprised that the Howler didn't magnify anything at all and the woman was really this loud.

As she watched, Regulus slumped down; his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Yes, Mother."

"That's my good boy. You've always been my favorite son haven't you, dearest? You won't break my heart like _him_ will you, my Regulus?"

Lily could hear the tears in Regulus's voice, as he spoke next, "No, Mother."

Snape pulled on her arm, and Lily willingly followed. She didn't fancy Regulus looking up and realizing he'd been overheard. When they were safely out in the hallway again, she dared to speak.

"What was that all about?"

Severus leaned against the wall. She took a good look at him in the torchlight, and was surprised to see that he looked as confused and worried as any, well, _normal_ person would.

"I don't know. He told me his parent's had plans, and that he was supposed to stay here."

Lily bit her bottom lip, gently clutching her book to her, "he obviously doesn't want to go home, for some reason. Do you…do you suppose those plans are the reason he doesn't want to go?"

"I don't…" The genuine **_feeling_** in Severus's voice frightened the red haired Gryffindor. He sounded as though he'd been shaken by what they'd just witnessed. On one level, Lily was honored that he trusted her enough to show this side of him, and on another she was afraid for Regulus if Severus allowed himself to be so vulnerable for him.

"You really have no idea," she whispered, and Severus shook his head. He seemed to be regaining some control, but was still quite upset.

"If he didn't want to go home, he must have a good reason."

"You're afraid for him." It wasn't a question, because she didn't expect an answer.

"He's never lied before. Not to me. Not her."

"Do you suppose it's an engagement, or something? Since he likes James now he doesn't want to go through with some prearranged marriage or something like that?"

Severus looked relived at this suggestion, and Lily was proud of herself. Apparently her idea had some merit to it.

"That's it," Severus said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than agreeing with her, "of course it is. He'll find a way of it, too, if I know him. Research her genealogy and find some obscure thing that wouldn't make her 'pure' enough."

"Of course he will," Lily said, offering her best reassuring smile. Severus seemed to have sufficiently pulled himself together, and stood up away from the wall just as the door to their common room slid open and Regulus walked out.

He'd obviously been crying, but neither of the Slytherin boys acknowledged this as Regulus put an obviously fake smile onto his face.

"Hello, Severus. Am I interrupting something?"

"I'm bringing Evans down for a study session, if that's alright with you."

"Of course. I told James I'd meet him outside the kitchens for lunch anyway."

Lily decided that she was spending too much time with Severus, as she could now obviously see that he was questioning whether or not Regulus was again lying to him. "You know the rules."

Regulus laughed, a harsh, mirthless, sound that had some eerie similarity to Sirius's laughter. "I know, I know. I'll report back, I promise. See you two later! Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

He turned and jogged down the hallway, and Lily almost longed to run after him and make him tell her what was wrong. That, however, was not her place and she knew it. Taking her cue from Severus to ignore it, for now, she followed the Slytherin into his common room once more.


	34. Smile for Me

A/N: While I really wanted to continue the scene with Severus and Lily, I really don't trust myself to write Sev and not mess up his character, and I didn't think that anybody would want to read two Lily chapters in a row. So…here is James! Again!

P.S. Sorry this chapter took so long…I had finals in college and they are _EVIL!_ But now that they are over, the chapters should start coming more often again.

Title: Smile for Me

* * *

James smiled as he saw Regulus approaching. "Hi, Cub."

"Hi," Regulus walked up to James, but kept his eyes down.

James frowned. This was only the second time they'd met as a, well, whatever they were, but he had expected some kind of warm hello. "What's wrong?"

Regulus just shook his head. James lifted Regulus's chin up, and looked into blood-shot, teary eyes. With a sinking heart, James wrapped Regulus into loving arms. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Regulus shook his head again, leaning into James's embrace.

"Cub? Please, talk to me. I'm here for you. I…" James sighed. "I love you. I won't judge or get mad or anything. Just talk to me. Maybe I can help."

"I…I can't. Not right now. Just…distract me," Regulus whispered.

James nodded. He could understand that Regulus needed time before he told anybody. Pulling back a little, James smiled. "Alright. Let's get some food. Do you want to eat in the kitchens?"

Regulus gave a half-hearted smile, "I've never been in the kitchens before."

Taking Regulus's hands, James led the way to the kitchens. He didn't know what else to do for Regulus, and he hated that. He loved the Slytherin more than life itself and had always been able to read him fairly well, but right now Regulus was like a blank book. He knew that the boy was upset, but he couldn't even guess what he was upset about or how to help make it better. Now, when he was finally close to the one he loved, he was still helpless to save the Slytherin from his pain.

When they entered the kitchens, James glanced at Regulus again. The younger boy's mouth had turned up into a small smile, and just that tiny accomplishment made James's heart soar with happiness. They made their lunch requests and then sat down at a table almost hidden in the back of the room.

"What do you think?" James smiled, reaching across the table and playing with Regulus's fingers.

"It's interesting," Regulus was looking around, but James could see the light blush that lit his cheeks at such an innocent touch. It would never cease to amuse James that just the smallest of touches would make Regulus blush.

"Interesting, as in good?" James laughed, watching as the house-elves set their food down on the table. James thanked them and then turned back to the Slytherin, waiting patiently for him to speak again.

"Interesting, as in amazing and fun," again there was that small smile that didn't quite make it to the boy's eyes. Why couldn't James get that pain out of them? What had happened?

"I'm glad you like it," James squeezed Regulus's hand before pulling his own away and picked up his sandwich. He watched as Regulus started in on his soup, fascinated once again at how proper the boy was while eating. "I'm surprised that Snape let you out with me again, considering what happened on our last date."

There. For a moment, the pain was gone and amusement shone in the beautiful azure eyes.

"He didn't really have an option," Regulus admitted. "I was already on my way when I ran into him, and only told him about the date then." A wicked smile now, "Besides, he wouldn't have stopped me from leaving him alone with a beautiful red-head."

James choked. "_What?_"

Regulus just smiled innocently, and it took James a moment to comprehend what the Slytherin was suggesting.

"Does…" James wet his lips, "I know I always tease him about it, but does Snivellus really fancy Lils?"

Regulus glared, "His name is Severus, or Snape. Not Snivellus. Ever."

James panicked. He really hadn't meant to call Snape that again. He really did appreciate everything that the bloke was doing for them, but when he thought of the Slytherin with Lily, it had just come out. James may not have any romantic feelings for the girl, but she was still his friend and he still thought that she deserved better than a nearly-emotionless git.

James took a breath. That wasn't right; that was the old him talking, the one who let stupid house rivalries and his own black and white view of the world get in his way. Snape wasn't such a bad guy when push came to shove. He was actually more than decent, and a bigger man than James thought he could be if their positions had been reversed.

"I know. Sorry. I just…I really am starting to see that he's not the person we thought he was," he offered Regulus an apologetic, lopsided grin, "it's just a hard habit to break."

"Try," Regulus ordered, still glaring.

"I am," James set down his sandwich, wiped off his hands, and then reached over to take Regulus's hands again. He felt his panic calm a little when Regulus didn't pull away; he hadn't ruined everything. "I am sorry. I didn't mean that. It's just…It's hard to change the way you've been thinking for years. Especially when the only decent thing that I've still ever seen Snape do is everything he's done for us. And I know that he's done a lot for us, I just…I never get to be there to _see_ it."

Regulus sighed, but nodded. "I'll give you that. He really is a great person, but I don't know that he will ever entirely let you see it."

James nodded, and then attempted to get back to the conversation that had made Regulus smile, "So, he fancies Lils? For real?"

"Yes, and don't you dare tease him about it," Regulus was smirking now, "That's my job."

James laughed. Snape and Lily? He wondered what the red-head felt for the Slytherin. He would have never thought it was possible for such a beautiful and friendly woman to fancy someone like the quiet and reserved Snape…but he would have never thought it was possible for Regulus to fancy him back either, so what did he know? He made a silent vow to find out; and to watch the Slytherin more closely and make sure that he didn't hurt her. James hated that he had hurt her, and that her pain had been the first stepping stones on the path that had led him here, but he would try to make sure that she found her happiness too. She deserved someone who would protect and cherish her, and if Snape was that person then James would just have to live with that. If Snape wasn't that person, however, James would make sure that the Slytherin didn't break her heart.

"You've got that same I've-got-to-protect-someone-who-is-perfectly-caple-of-taking-care-of-themselves expression that Severus gets whenever he knows I'm thinking about you," Regulus stated off-handedly.

Mock glaring, James growled, "Did you just compare me to Snape?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Regulus grinned.

"Good, because it would frighten me if your boyfriend reminded you of your best friend," James winked.

"Boyfriend?" Regulus raised an eyebrow.

James bit his lip. He had hoped, and feared, that Regulus would notice that comment. "Aren't I?"

Regulus smiled, "Are you?"

"I want to be," James whispered, feeling his heart pound and fearing that it would explode long before Regulus deemed fit to answer the question.

"I'll tell you what," Regulus was blushing now, and not looking nearly as confident as he had a second ago. "You can be mine if I can be yours."

James was sure that his heart really did explode right then, but it was definitely a good feeling. "Deal."

Leaning across the table, James sealed it with a kiss.


End file.
